A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does sex on first date ever lead to a relationship? I met "Al" two weeks ago and the connection was amazing. We didn't want the date to end so we hung out on his roof and then, his place. One thing led to another and we slept together. I have NEVER done this and tried to play it off like it didn't bother me. On one hand, I was happy because sex didn't hurt me like it did in my last relationship. He was nice and seemed as surprised as I was. We talked about it and it all seemed okay..our second date, he made us dinner and it was a good time. We made plans to see each other again but I'm concerned . Has anyone ever had something good come out of first date sex, besides the obvious? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2014): My theory is: it doesn't matter when you have sex, first, second or third date. Really what difference does it make if it is even 5 th date?? It's still not enough time to get to know a person. Plus guys usually do their best until they have sex, some are really good in it And then many girls are so surprised that after sex all changes, everything turned 180 degrees. If you want to get to know a person, that's a totally different story, then you should give yourself a couple of months and deside for yourself whether its a real deal. Even after few months you still can be there for a surprise. I slept with my husband on our second date. We are still married for 20 years and no one but me remembered when that happened. I also had quite a bit of first date sex in my youth and only one of them turned into a relationship that lasted 2 years. If I could turn it around, I would never do those one night first date sex episodes again, because frankly I was always disssapointed with a guy performance. They were not eager to please me, only thinking of themselves, and I always felt kind of used after these encounters. But to answer your question, of course there is a chance that you guys will date and stay together. But my advice would be not to do it again, if this relationship doesn't work for your sake.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love you guys! :) So much insightful advice! I was scared I'd be judged in a sense...grew up Catholic and sex is still something I struggle with a lot. Thank you all!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 Relationships that start off with sex have as much chance of succeeding as all others, as long as your mind is not clouded by it and you still work on getting to know one another. Thats the only problem, really, that your vision gets clouded.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2014): What MSA said.
Sex on first date here. Now married, 6 years later.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 November 2014):
 I never advise sex on the first date, but my half sister did the same thing you did, and she's married to the guy for 23 years with two kids.
There are exceptions to the rules, and the fact that he's eager for more dates bodes well for you.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (16 November 2014):
 I've had first-date sex twice in my life and both times did lead to multi-year relationships. Is this the norm? Most likely not. But I also think it makes a difference if the person is someone you know for at least a little while beforehand versus someone you, say, pick up out of a bar (just to give an example). Having a basic idea of what someone is about (personality, likes/dislikes, what kind of people they hang out with) before sleeping with them does in my opinion decrease your odds of ending up with someone who only wants sex. If you've interacted with a guy before in daylight and without alcohol involved, it takes a pretty good acting job on the part of a player to hide what he's really looking for, because there's nothing to impair your intuition.
What are "Al's" guy friends like? Are they in committed relationships, or do they play the field? While not a foolproof indicator of whether Al is looking for long-term, it's definitely something to give thought to. A guy who hangs out with "loose" men (ha, ha) is and always will be a red flag to me. Maybe he's that one dissident who still believes in true love and wants a meaningful relationship with a girl, and sticks to his guns no matter how hard his player friends may tease him, but more likely he's one of the guys and up to all the same shenanigans they are.
My personal opinion based solely on the (limited) information you've shared: if he was just in it for a quick no-strings lay, he wouldn't have bothered with a second date. But you'll have to wait and see. Keep in mind that until and unless you have a talk about being exclusive, having slept with him doesn't mean you have the right to be clingy, or that he no longer has the right to see and possibly sleep with other girls. If you continue to be intimate, make sure you're using protection!
That's the tough thing about first-date sex: despite being physically invested in your connection with him, these things are out of your control for the time being. Play it cool, if you can. A big part of the so-called "chase" is over, true, but that doesn't mean you now have to be taken for granted. Don't act too interested, even if you are - let him be the one to call or text first, be busy/unavailable sometimes when he wants to hang out. There's a lot more to winning a person over than simply having sex with them, so let him make that effort if he wants to win YOU. Don't allow yourself to feel devalued by having slept with him early on, because that attitude will show through in your behavior. Respect yourself, act like you are worth respecting, and any guy worth HAVING a relationship with will treat you with respect no matter how soon you had sex with him.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 Yes a relationship can work. I am always on the safe side, like waiting at least on the first date but this already happened. What I might have said to him was "I know we did it so early but I want you to know that my intentions are good and I am looking for something stable. If this is what you want too then great, I am glad I have met you." This cancels out some of the doubts and misconceptions that society throws at you. Being honest with him also reduces the rigid feeling of "if you do this, it means that" and all the rules that come with dating. It is quite refreshing that people can make up their minds and decide what they want despite rules, assumptions and statistics.
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (16 November 2014):
 It doesn't matter whether you had sex on the 1st date, 2nd date, 50th date... the most important thing is the connection and chemistry between two people and their will to want to make the relationship work.
You will have good times, and you will have bad times... you will have good sex, and you may have bad sex... but when it comes down to it, if it is your will to make this relationship work, you will make it work!
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 November 2014):
Anything is possible and worrying about it won't change what happened or the future.
If your question is really "am I wasting my time?" Then I'd say probably not, but there's no guarantee (even if you didn't have sex so soon).
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