A
female
age
30-35,
*leeping_Beauty90
writes:I have a thing for my work mate and things have happened between us in the past, a kiss here and there, flirting ect. But we have a lot of differences between us, he is almost 28 and I'm just 22, things like our music taste is completely different and the types of clothes we like are polar opposites. The biggest difference is our nationalities, he is Polish and I am English. I know the smaller things like music and fashion sense are silly but when our cultures are so different I'm worried these things will also matter. It's not just the difference in culture but language also, he can speak English but its not completely fluent. It is possible but not easy when we both want to express ourselves extensively or crack a random joke about something. We've been teaching each other our languages and certain sayings an expressions. I also know that he has never had a girlfriend who isn't polish and from what I've learnt I've been the first girl who is English that he's ever kissed. A mutual friend who is also polish told me how hard it can be and why it might hold him back from perusing a relationship with me when culture is different.The question I'm asking is can a relationship work when age, tastes and especially nationality are so different and the language between you both is limited?Had anyone else been in this kind of situation? Maybe you and your partner are of different nationalities, how do you overcome such barriers?And I have thought about the complications that come dating a work mate but we are both looking for new jobs and I'm worried if I don't do something about how I feel I may miss out and not see him again if one of us leaves as we definitely don't run in the same friend groups. Help cupids!Happy New Year to you all :)
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 January 2013):
Not only can it work, I believe its more likely to work. There is a reason for the statement "opposites attract." There is a reason people are attracted to accents. There is a reason that all along nations boarders DNA is almost always mixed. Its because we are genetically programmed to be attracted to those whose DNA is most dissimilar from our own. This is because most genetic diseases are recessive and it makes for healthier offspring.
My fiancee is 5ft, a native spanish speaker, and Colombian. Im 6ft, a native English speaker, and of Nordic decent. W/o question the best relationship Ive ever been in, by a country mile.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Yes it can work.
I’m 52
I’m Jewish
I’m upper middle class
I have a college degree
My husband is 39, he was raised Catholic he came from working class, he has a GED
My vote: go for it… relax and enjoy!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Hi
The age difference is nothing, the fact he is Polish isn't a problem either nor is it uncommon in the UK to date one nowadays.His english can improve and the fact he can speak 2 languages means he is pretty intelligent.You could always learn to speak Polish too.
He is also learning your culture by living here.You could get him to cook one of his traditional meals for you,make the effort to learn about his culture.take him to listen to a band you like,he may find he enjoys it
Don't put up so many blocks, when their aren't any really.Just look on it as dating a new man if it comes to that,forget the rest.Time will tell if it works.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Yes, you are overanalizing , and that comes , I suppose, from your limited life experience and a rather provimcial, restricted vision of the world from both of you.
I am not dismissing the existence of differences between you, or the possibility that these differences may actually create conflict.
But then, if you want it so easy, you can only marry your neighbour next door, born and raised in the same block, in the same kind of family, within the some social class and income bracket . And same political views and education etc. etc.
Like, even if you date an English bloke with your same accent, he may come from a rich family while you come from a working class one, and that may cause conflicting habits and views too. Or he may be the son of a divorced or disfunctional couple, while you grew up in a solid close knit family.
There's a proverb in my country " Moglie e buoi, dei paesi tuoi " =" Wife and oxen, must come from your area " - but that comes from before TV, telephone, Internet, airplanes and.. United Europe.
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A
female
reader, Sleeping_Beauty90 +, writes (2 January 2013):
Sleeping_Beauty90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's very hard to explain but his English is good we can converse pretty easily but if one of us ever got mad or upset then it would become a problem.. General conversation is easy but we have learnt how to talk to each other really quite well the longer we've known each other which is 2 and a half years. I speak slower and we just seem to understand what we're trying to say most of the time. But of course when emotions brew and something heated comes up or emotional it would be hard for us both to explain to each other how we feel. It's something that would probably help us slow down and not get so pent up at each other if anything ever did happen but it would definitely be frustrating. We've both always dreamed nothing but ending up with an English guy and a polish girl and we've both never dated anyone from another country (we're not racist we just never had the opportunity and he is very traditional so I don't think he ever expected to like anyone else anyway). Polish culture and English culture are quite different. He has told me alot about how he's been brought up and I've told him and it is fun learning from each other but I feel we could accidentally expect too much of each other to act like how we expect each other to be. I'm sure I'm overanalysing all of this and I think it probably matters more to him than me. It's something we need to discuss in the near future.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 January 2013):
I had to smile , reading your submittal :) Aren't UK and Poland both European states... Uh big cultural divide between Polish and English. They eat sausage, and you eat fish and chips ; nah, it can't ever work, lol.
I am not saying that there are not differences in tastes , habits, traditions, fashion etc.. There are. But , trust me, there are even bigger differences in mentality and lifestyle between a Californian and a Newyorker , or between someone from Rome and someone from Milan ! but they still date,mate and marry every day . Vive la differance !
The language barrier, that 's a more serious problem, it can complicate things. Lovers also speak with their eyes and gestures , and understand each other without words...till everything is peachy, then the first time there is a conflict, it may be very frustrating not having the tools to explain themselves and overcome misunderstandings.
Hopefully, if he plans to stay in UK, he will become always more fluent in time ? After all it is in his own interest, for work, business and daily life.
Hopefully, he is not like a South American cleaning lady that I had, who did not speak ONE word of English. Once I asked how long had she been in the States ? She said, 20 years. TWENTY years ??? so, how come she had not learned any English ?,,, she said " If they need so bad to talk to me, they can learn Spanish ".
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 January 2013):
It's possible but not ideal. You'll just have to accept that they will never totally get you. The little details that require complete fluency are lost on non fluent speakers.
However, my wife is Guatemalan and I'm American and her English is great but not technically perfect. We get along great and the cultural differences are nice.
She's the love of my life even though I've had a number of good relationships prior to her.
Don't call it quits because you aren't sure, call it quits if it becomes a problem.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): I married my co-worker when she was 21 and I was 29. That was 26 years ago and we have never been happier than we are today. It just keeps getting better. You'll find, if you love eachother, the age difference becomes less and less important and eventually it becomes irrelevant. Music tastes change, as do many other opinions. As a man, the main thing I learned over the years is comprimise. Give in and don't make a big deal about minor issues. It's not worth the grief and you'll both love eachother for being agreeable. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 January 2013):
 That tired old saw - "Love conquers all" - comes to mind.
How about looking over your submittal again...and imagine that, instead of focusing on those differences as impediments to your budding relationship, you try, instead, to view them as some interesting things that you and he will focus on to bring yourselves even closer together .... and they (the differences) give you terrific points to ponder....
Good luck....
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