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We had a secret kind of relationship. Should I wait for him to come to his senses?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Crushes, Friends, Long distance, Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 January 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 January 2013)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So, I began hooking up with my guy friend not too long ago. It was a secret kind of relationship because it wouldn't have been accepted by one of our friends who is in love with the guy I was hooking up with.

Our hooking up didn't just start up out of no where.. we met a little over 2 months ago and from the first day we met he flirted with me. Basically he was courting me our whole friendship, but from day one I told myself not to.

I tend to do this with every guy I meet, i put up walls.

I started to realize that i liked him and then one night we got drunk and hooked up - just making out. But then we hooked up basically every night after that. It was so much fun, it was so nice to have someone to hold and kiss. I then realized, I really like him and i've liked him for a while, time to admit it to myself.

Then one night I got drunk with my other friend who likes the guy i was hooking up with and drunkingly admitted to liking the other guy, during which i texted him i couldn't do it anymore because i felt too bad.

The next two days he didn't even touch me. So after the third day i confronted him asking if it was over between us.

which he responded with "We were a thing?" and then he blamed the end of us hooking up mostly on me and our other friend. Later he told me that he also met a girl.

After all of that, such a smack on the face, I was torn up because I guess i was relieved that it ended cause it probably wouldn't have worked out but i really do like him. Now he has seen this girl almost everyday and spent last night, nye, with her.

The thing is she goes to school almost 13 hours away and probably will not come back to our state until summer. What do i do? should I wait for him to come to his senses? or confront him? forget about him? How could he do this to me?

View related questions: drunk, flirt, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (2 January 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony aunt"we were a thing" is his code for I was using you for sex

the clue was that you had to be a secret....

you need to forget about him.

I also think you need to consider how much of your drunken behavior is hurting you and consider if you have a drinking problem or are at potential for developing one.

Behaviors you do when you are drunk and later regret are never a good sign.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (2 January 2013):

Honeypie agony auntHe used you for some fun hook-ups. Nothing more. YOU thought you had a relationship, apparently you didn't.

This is what happens when you hook up before the "rules" are clearly stated. IF you want to DATE a guy, you should be upfront about not wanting to just hook up or do the FWB thing you want a BF.

If he drop the girl he is with now and comes back to you, do you think he really WANT a relationship?

Maybe part of the "fun" for him was doing it on the sly.

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