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female
age
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anonymous
writes:Do you think a relationship can make you depressed?My boyfriend is taking me for granted and it is making me depressed and it is to the point where I am starting to avoid him.It seems like when I make an effort to connect with him, I get shot down and it makes me feel even worse. For example, sometimes we go shopping on Thursday nights so I call him up before he leaves for work to see if he wants to go with me when I go. No answer. I sent a text saying I will call him at noon. I call him at noon and his phone rings so I know it wasn't switched off and no answer. I try to call a few more times and give up.After work, I go shopping by myself and go home.At 6pm he calls my house phone all cheerful and wanting to go shopping. ?? Huh? I told him I had already went. He seemed bummed about it and told me he didn't get my text until later in the day.Honestly, I don't believe him as I have seen him ignore phone calls from friends and family.If he got my text later, then why didn't he call me back and let me know.He takes me for granted in that I would just jump up at 6pm and it was dark, cold, and rainy and go over there.He seemed irritated as he had to go out himself to get groceries.The next day I call him before he left for work and once again no answer. I want to ask him how this bird he found was and some other things you know just talking and communicating like a normal couple does.I call him around lunchtime again and he doesn't answer his phone.That was Friday and it is Saturday and no call.I think I should say something about his treatment of me but not sure what to say.I am so irritated with him I don't even want to spend the weekend with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): I think your boyfriend isn't really your boyfriend, perhaps you are the only one in a relationship and you just don't realize it. Seeing him once a week is pretty casual and he isn't beating down your path so he isn't wanting to see you, when a guy is in love he rarely stands a girl up...and time magically appears for him to be with you.
I think what the other aunts are telling you, is that you are chasing him down with the phone, you probably miss him aren't happy with the number of days you see him and you aren't leaving him enough space to pursue you.
Don't ever pursue a guy more than he is pursuing you. If he doesn't call for a couple of days, then don't drop everything to see him, let him know you are going to go do x activity that you love, can't see him now but how about Tuesday or something like that.
Tell him if you don't hear from him for five days you will consider the relationship over...and perhaps start dating around. If he isn't answering your calls early in the morning and late at night, he may already be dating someone else or fooling around.
So yeah, I understand you would be depressed, you aren't taking care of you, don't rely on him to fill you up with happiness, start doing things you enjoy and leave him out of it, if he calls and you want to go, then fine, but give him the gift of missing you, and of seeing that you might possibly remove yourself from the relationship if he doesn't step up and take care of some of your needs. If you aren't getting what you want out of this relationship then it is time to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies! I have to explain though that I don't chase him at all. The last time I had called him before was May 10th so nearly a week ago. Yes, he normally answers his phone when I call.As for space, we both have plenty. If we took anymore space we wouldn't be in a relationship at all. We don't talk everyday. Maybe once a week. We see each other once a week. The relationship has been going on for 4 years. I am a busy successful woman and I just want him to be considerate of my time too.
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reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 How about calling one time and leaving a voicemail or message? This way he will definitely get it and will call back basically when he wants to. And don't call over and over, like the previous poster said guys like when their girlfriend is a bit independent. I understand wanting to talk like a normal couple about just things going on but if he doesn't answer and you leave a message that he doesn't answer then really what is the point of calling over and over? He will answer when he gets to it or feels like it. Give him his space and take some space yourself. You didn't mention how long you have been dating or if he used to call/answer in the past. And yes a relationship can make you depressed. If you are so irritated and upset with him then don't call him! Wait until he calls you. From now on hold off on calling him unless you absolutely must, let him come to you, and go on with your life. You feel so upset because you are chasing him and he seems indifferent while you care about him. If giving him space doesn't work then you should possibly look for someone else a bit more like you. Some guys need lots of space and some would like to or wouldn't mind talking to their girlfriend everyday. I am like you and would like my boyfriend to answer the damn phone. Good luck.
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reader, bleedinglove +, writes (17 May 2008):
i think it's making you depressed because you're putting your hope that he'll answer your every call and be at your every request. i have seen that guys have this tendency to withdraw and come back. make sure he knows that you have your own life and have him come look for you and have him call you. don't wait for his call. if he calls just tell him youre busy and that you'll call back or for him to call back later. he'll realize that you're an independent woman and want more part of your life. he will come to you when you give him his space.
hope that helps.
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