A
female
age
51-59,
*anditbabie
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for years We now live together. He has been divorced for 16 years and his 17 year old son has recently started looking at colleges. So far he and his ex wife and son have done day trips but they may turn into overnight ones .. Should I go as well on these overnight trips I have yet to meet the ex-wife the kids do not want me too. I do trust my boyfriend and understand this is about his sons education. I do not want to be selfish and ask to go yet I do feel a little weird about it what is proper in situations like this ?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2016):
 If you haven’t met the ex-wife and have no relationship her then I’d avoid having the first meeting at your boyfriend and his son’s college tour.
Obviously your relationship is longstanding and a serious one or you wouldn’t have been together for years.
I think at some point you do need to address meeting the ex and not allow the kids to determine the trajectory of your relationship.
When you say “the kids” ... are they his children with his ex? Your children? How old are the kids? How long have you been together? Can you find a way that is respectful to all to include your relationship with their father in their day?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 April 2016):
 I think (my personal opinion here) is that you stay out of it. Now if the kids and ex-wife were fine with it, then it would have been OK to go.
When my step-daughter was checking out 2 colleges near us (5 years ago) my husband went. Now I could have gone, the step and I get along, but the ex-wife hates me. I didn't want the experience to be a bad one for the step, so I stayed home.
Having to overnight doesn't mean he HAS to share a room with either of them.
And I think it's HIS job, NOT YOURS to check out the colleges she might attend.
Avoid the drama.
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