A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone tell me why a guy would start to distance himself from a woman? We were friends for about a year but there has been some chemistry between us. Suddenly he is not talking to me anymore and avoiding me at all the places we would see each other before. He will not even call/email me now just to talk like we used to. Is there no possible way a married man can be friends with a married woman? I feel hurt because he has been a good friend to me and I am truly missing his friendship. Seriously, we are grown ups. Can't you have relationships with the opposite sex and be adult about it? Why is he running away? He's making me feel like I have been tossed away like garbage. Why would he even be friends with me in the first place? I really thought he cared about our friendship. What should I do? Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): Here's another take on the situation.Obviously he has feelings for you, otherwise he wouldn't be running away. If this was just a crush, he wouldn't be trying this hard to stay away. Maybe it's a little more?How do you know he isn't running away from his feelings for you instead of confronting the fact that maybe his marriage isn't all that it should be? Maybe with some time and space he might realize he misses you and truly cares for you? Some people stay in marriages out of obligation and if there are kids. Does he have any kids? And it is easier to stay in your comfortable little life with your comfortable partner and family even when the spark has died and live comfortably for the rest of your life. It's sad to see people doing this to themselves. Love doesn't always last forever and people change, life changes. Then along comes someone who gives you the butterflies and you just drop them like a hot potato. Really they could have made you happier but you stay with your spouse because it's safe. Maybe the guy should stop fooling himself! And if he is feeling this way towards you, he may feel this way towards someone else someday because he has some unresolved issues in his marriage. Just another perspective.
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (26 February 2011):
about my advice and to make things clear for him
send him an e-mail
and be direct about all your feelings
AVOID hitting arround the bush or using indirect speech or blackmailing him
JUST BE DIRECT AND HONEST
tell him what you want from him
i beleive he well tell you why he is avoiding you or atleast he well give you a very good explanation
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (26 February 2011):
there is chemistry so it is bot 100% pure friendship
maybe he is avoiding you now because he doesnt want
these feelings to evolve into an affair
or maybe he loved you and after knewing that you want friendship only from he was disappointed and decided to move
Finally are you 100% sure that his wife is fine with your friendship? maybe she is turning his life into a living hell
in my humble oppinion
there is no pure friendship between a man and a woman
offcourse there are friendship in the working feild
or at school but even those tend to make feelings
between the men and the women evolved
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 February 2011):
 I think he cut the tie because he felt like it would get out of control if he didn't.
I DO think married men can be friends with married women (other then their spouse). What it comes down to is respect and a bucket full of morals.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (26 February 2011):
Boy, this has been a recurring theme this week. Personally, I think it's a bad idea for individuals who are married or in committed relationships to become close friends with members of the opposite sex. What usually happens (and it's a natural occurrence) is that one or both of the so called "friends" become attached emotionally. That's a bad development for married people. What ends up happening is the "friends" start investing all of their emotional energy into their newfound friendship. The reality is that we only have so much emotional energy to go around. So, who do you think suffers? The spouses of the "friends" suffer. The spouse involved in the "special friendship" starts to become distant, secretive, withdrawn and simply not present. It is like an acid eating away at one's primary relationship.
So, having said all that, what is going on with your friend? I'll try to give you some insight. Your friend has probably realized that he may have feelings for you that his wife would consider inappropriate. As a result of that realization, your friend has decided that it is best to drop this connection as the price is too high for him. He clearly cares about his marriage and he doesn't want to screw it up. He's not tossing you away like garbage. And, I'm sure he cared about the friendship, but it's simply not something he can maintain considering that he is married and his wife if not only his lover, but she is supposed to be his best friend. Yes, it's hard to lose a friend. Painful, in fact. But, don't take it as a reflection on you as a person. It's not. It's simply something your friend realized that he had to do to maintain his marriage. Chalk it up to experience. A lot of these types of friendships turn into true disasters. Be happy that this didn't happen to you. Honor your former friend's wishes, and move on. Don't be sad that it's over. Smile because it happened. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 You're both married. Ideally your best friends should be your spouses.
Perhaps his wife sensed some 'chemistry' as you say, or he himself is afraid of making a slip so he is choosing to focus on his family. (Most likely it's one or another, and I don't think he has anything against you.)
Why not let the matter rest and maybe do the same?
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