A
female
age
41-50,
*elenaB
writes:OK. I asked a question earlier - about struggling with the way my boyfriend talks about women with his friends, I only got one reply and am sure that people must have more to say than that - as it was my first ever question and I have now had a look around the site, I am going to try and ask again in a different way.Can a man resist temptation? If he knew I would not find out?I grew up in a household where first my dad cheated and left and then my mum had numerous affairs / marriages etc. As a result of this, I would never, in any circumstances cheat. I do not get into relationships for the sake of it or when single I do not go on 'dates'unless I really like someone.My current boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I left my home town to be with him and we now live together about an hour away from friends and family. I am trying to make a new and good life with him where we are and we are doing well. We enjoy the same things and have lots of fun together, we have a healthy, varied, fun and interesting sex life and I have no reason to believe that he is not satisfied by our relationship. I know he loves me very much, as I do him. He came from a lovely secure family background and his mum and dad are still together and very happy. We both have quite high sex drives and I beleive match each other in this way. We are not shy with each other. For me this is enough and I would never look at another man, I may think, if asked to think about it that a man is handsome but I do not covet other men. I have seen messages he has sent to friends (who are single and playing the field) which are probably laddish comments about their antics 'new fa**y is always coveted' and them emails he has had between friends (which because we were both quite wasted he showed me saying he has no secrets, which is great but cannot get it out of my head) saying about all the great girls he sees at work and on his way to work (working in large city), what a great fantasy they are. We talk about getting married, he has not yet asked me but says he will, we talk about children which we plan to do next year.What worries me is that if the temptation were to come with one of these girls at work, as he is a very handsome man who women are attracted too, would he resist? He says he only has room in his heart and his life for me but when the chips were down and the knickers could come off .... would he remember that? Even if he regretted it after it would do so much damage. I could sound quite lucky and if all in my head but I love him so much, I would hate to lse him as I have put so much into this relationship and genuinelly want to be with him for the rest of my life.Hopefully someone can help understand what I mean and although the answer is probably who knows, maybe someone has felt this, or a man is like it and faithful / would never do anything?xx
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affair, at work, sex drive, sex life, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): It does sound like the culture of your bf's friends is a little crass. The best thing to do is to cultivate the friendship of other couples or friends who don't have roving eyes.The worst thing to do would be to punish your bf for his moment of openness, by jealous hysteria. It was great that he showed you his email account. Encourage that kind of behavior!For future happiness together:Don't assume that you are meeting your man's needs (nor should he assume that he is meeting your needs.) Make a habit of asking and observing periodically whether your partner is satisfied with the relationship... even use a checklist to see that everybody is getting the amount of affection, sex, household support, communication, honesty, admiration, etc. that they need, since sometimes it's hard to remember problems when asked. So many times I've seen a wife feel that she's everything her husband needs because she does all the housework and gets him thoughtful gifts; whereas he wishes she were a bit more affectionate, or that he could have as much fun with her as with his buddies at work. Or, a man feels he's doing all that's required by being cuddly and paying the bills, whereas his wife really would prefer more communication and honesty. At any rate, as long as you and your man are getting everything you need from the relationship, you will not be tempted to stray (unless he has serious problems, like being a sex addict or some other kind of addict.) You might both also consider the following rule of thumb for behavior: if you're doing something that you'd be ashamed to do in front of your partner, it's infidelity that will harm the relationship (whether it's sex, or sitting on someone's lap, or merely gazing into a cleavage.)There's a great article here on "Preparing for Marriage"http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5510_qa.html
A
female
reader, HelenaB +, writes (4 July 2008):
HelenaB is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not sure if people read responses from the problem posters. I would like to say thank you to most of you. I have actually started seeing a counsellor about the issues that I have been aware could self destruct what is a very good relationship. I thank you all however for all of your comments, Reading them it makes me realise that you are all right. It is a good happy relationship and why should he stray if all is happy at home .... which it is. Thank you. I will learn that the hirl comments are just him being a boy .... which is what he says it is anyway. He is a good kind man and I am very lucky. Thank you in my insecure moment for helping me.
The the person who called me a self centred c*w. I am glad I am not your friend. You clearly have not read my note atall. Yes I am a little paranoid sometimes but I absolutely have respect for everyone in my life, I have not accused anyone.I have come to this forum to try and understand some of my insecurities and try to get some opinions of outside people, fair enough that is yours and I respect that (see I even respect you and I do not know you and you have insulted me!) but I think it is a little unjustified.
Thank you all. x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I think men are perfectly able to be faithful in a relationship. It is like with women, there are women that are faithful to bad men and women who are unfaithful to good men...it is the same with men. It sounds like you have a good man, perhaps you should seek some counseling to help you deal with your PARENTS infedelity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): What would you rather do? Marry a ugly guy? Your just going to have to trust him, if you two have a good sexual relationship then he should have no reason to cheat, if he cheates then he obviously didn't love you much but it sounds like you aint got that problem!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): have you listened to yourself girl. now you are talking like a paronoid girl, you have no proof that he is doing anything behind or in front of your back. the only thing he has done is love you. you are a self centered little c*w who has no resepct for anyone no wonder your bloke dont want to know you, you accuse without proof. So what if dad did cheat,how does that impact on you now. all you want to do is bitch and play the fool. so i suggest now that you make or break ok mate you wanted to hear it from the heart well now you GOT IT
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Hi Helena
I don't think that there's any one answer that could come close to the one you're seeking.
Ok. In the past I've been handed sex on a plate and gratefully recieved it. On the other hand I've been offered sex on a plate and turned it down. It has to be said that I was with different partners on those occasions and everything depended on how good the relationship I was in was at that particular time. One was quite good, the other not so good.
I'd find it difficult to cheat on my current partner unless the sex 'tap' (or faucet if you live the other side of the pond) was turned off for no apparent reason and I felt like seeking solace elsewhere, or there was some other friction in my relationship that made me want to go looking for a friendly face for a change.
If you've got a good sex life and everything else in the garden is rosy I see no reason why he would ever want to cheat on you. Communication is the key though. Make sure he's happy and tell him if you're not, about any particular aspect of your relationship, and if something isn't quite right do your best, collectively, to put it right.
The 'who knows?' answer is probably about as close as you'll get though.
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