A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is probably a very common question but i'd like to get some answers from both girls and guys perspective. I've been with my bf for 8 months. He's very outgoing, chatty and charming and he loves to meet new people. He happens to be attractive as well which can sometimes can make me feel insecure when the person he just met is a woman. I always feel like the girl is flattered that he's giving her attention and probably she doesn't mind as he's good looking too. I can't say that he's trying to seduce anyone but he's just very friendly to strangers. He's also recently met a lot of new people in his life and made some new friends, all females, and assures me that he's not one bit interested in them. Its just friendship. And i always wonder if its the same on the girl's side or does she have a crush on him? So the question is, do you really think that men and women can be just friends without ever thinking about sex? And also can a man become friends with a woman while already being in a relationship? I have male friends but they're either gay or i dated them and we stayed friends or they're childhood friends or i know that they have a thing for me but i make sure i never send them any mixed messages. (the last situation being not really close friends). I noticed that all his female friends on FB always like when pictures of him are posted but when i am on the picture with him they barely get 1 or 2 likes. In any case, if he isn't one bit interested in these women, why does he still want to be friends with them?
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (15 May 2012):
I say that it is rare and difficult for a man and woman to be friends with no risk/threat of anything more. Either at one point or another, one of them has been attracted to or had feelings for the other. It's more likely that they can be friends with no intention to ever act on it, maybe at one point in the friendship they realize they aren't compatible and don't want to ruin the friendship.
But I would say that it is very concerning that he only seems to be making friends with girls. If he's so outgoing and charming why doesn't he have any male friends? Sounds like he likes the attention and ego boost that having lots of girls around him gives.
Also, I feel like it takes a certain amount of maturity to have a male/female friendship with someone who is taken while the other person is single. I've seen too many times where the girl is used to being the center of attention and the best friend, and doesn't like the guy having a girlfriend in the picture. Then there's power struggles and just general drama. That goes more for older female friends rather than new ones though.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I'd say this one's pretty subjective tbh.
I have about 3-4 female friends who I'd consider to be VERY close with, 3 of them have boyfriends but if the opportunity arose, it would be very hard to turn do sex with them because of it, but someone else in my situation may not feel this way...
I watched a video before where an interviewer asked about 15 males & females if both genders can share platonic relationships, every male answered no (and that at some point the male would of had sexual thoughts about the female) and every female at first answered yes and then when the interviewer dug a little deeper, asking whether they think that male friend may have had a crush or thought about them before, they all changed their answer to no aswell.
If you're saying that your BF is friends with ONLY women, then yes, I'd be worried if I were in your situation. How does he hang out with these women? Is it 1 on 1 or are there other people present? Has anybody else picked up on his behaviours?
In my personal opinion, YES they can be friends, but that doesn't mean it's platonic, either of them could be thinking more of it. I wouldn't say it's a good idea that your BF is acquiring so many female friends all of a sudden.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I believe that men and women can be friends with no expectation of sex. People can be interesting friends even if you're with someone else.
That said, maybe the women don't see him as "friend" only. Do you think he would act if a woman showed him interest?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): "So the question is, do you really think that men and women can be just friends without ever thinking about sex?"
Yes it's possible. It's also possible that one or both of them may be thinking about sex, but you can't be worrying about what is going on in your boyfriend's mind. He may be thinking about doing it with a random beautiful stranger on the street he sees in passing. Or someone he sees on TV. You can't and shouldn't be obsessing about what thoughts are going on in your boyfriend's mind let alone in the mind of some other person that's interacting with your boyfriend.
"And also can a man become friends with a woman while already being in a relationship"
I guess this all depends on your definition of "friends." Friendships run the gamut from those that are like long-time acquaintances, to those that are highly structured and limited in their context and scope, to those that are your best friends who have access to many more aspects of your life and vice versa. There isn't a single definition of what it means to be friends with someone. Therefore, you can be friends with someone of the opposite gender while being in a relationship but obviously the TYPE of friendship wouldn't be the same as if you were both single.
My husband has many female friends, and I have many male friends. Most of these male friends I don't socialize one-on-one with in the evenings or on weekends, just for occasional lunches. And if the socializing is in the evenings or weekends then it's in a group that may or may not include my husband. I would certainly never, say, go on a roadtrip alone with one male friend only, or share a hotel room with them! And similarly I would not expect or accept my husband doing that with a female friend. There's boundaries to the friendship. There are a couple of male friends that I am closer to - I consider them brothers, like family, because we have been friends for many years through different life stages and we're still around. I have no attraction to them and vice versa. With these guys sometimes we talk on the phone, but it is usually about some projects or activities that we are involved in, or gossip about other people we mutually know. another boundary is that we do not share with each other our marital problems (I save that for my girlfriends!).
all in all, I think it's perfectly fine and in fact is healthy to have friends of the opposite gender even if you're in a relationship. Because having more friends is always better. The more people who care about you and are looking out for you, and who you care about and feel connected to, and with whom to learn from and broaden horizons through exchange of ideas and information, the better for your mental and emotional health. But the type of friendship, and the boundaries, have to be different than if you were single and thus open to a platonic friendship developing into something more.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (15 May 2012):
 "He's also recently met a lot of new people in his life and made some new friends, all females,"
You say that he is outgoing, chatty, charming, attractive and likes to meet new people. Is it new people or is it just WOMEN? You do mention that the friends he has made are all women, which is very curious and telling, no?
Attractive, charming men are rare. If he is charming to women and adding them to FB, of course they may entertain some ideas of their own. I personally don't trust men that enjoy female company to get their ego boost. You just need to classify if he falls in that category.
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A
female
reader, mollypop  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I think that this is a very tricky area. Id like to say that men and woman can just be friends but sometimes its not the case. Even though these woman may not make a move on him id be wondering what their motives are and if they were imagining what he may be like as a potential boyfriend. I think that it is a good thing that he isnt hiding his friendships with these woman from you. I would suggest having a talk to him and letting him know that woile your not crazy jelous about it that it does concern you a bit. If he starts excluding you from events, meeting them without you with him, going to their houses alone or gets secretive with his phone or computer id say you may have a problem but he honestly just sounds like a nice guy.
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