A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been married for over 10 years and have 2 kids. My husband has always been very cut off from social circles and likes to keep to himself and my lifestyle has changed to match his. We both work full time and I earn more than him which he stated was never an issue. However I found out a fw years ago that he had an affair for over a year and though he claims he had no sexual relations, the evidence I have seen suggests it was sexual and emotional all in the same town where we live (with his work colleague). I have been threatening to leave him and he has never paid much attention saying he had only one life and can't put up with my grumpy attitude and that I need to learn to trust him and move on coz he said bh's sorry...this time I have told him that I've informed my parents and can't take it anymore and will be leaving him and since then his attitude has changed completely. He says he can't live without me, I can live my life at my own terms just as long as I don't leave him and such stuff. I told him sex was off but we were away on a Prebooked holiday for the kids and he just really wanted to make love and out of his desperation I said he can do what he likes with me but I'm going to do nothing as I don't love him. For the first 2 nights he pampered me with a full body massage and on day 3 he made love to me while I just lay there feeling very used. Similirly for 2 days he clicked a lot of my pictures telling me how I looked like a yummy mummy and stuff but by day 3 he stopped clicking too many pics. Do you reckon this man loves me or respects me - he says he does but I feel actions suggest otherwise. I want to have given this marriage every chance before I walk out but just can't feel the love...
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Regardless of how he feels, the fact is you dont love him anymore, so what is the point in staying with him?
There are many many problems in this relationship, and it is hard to say if he loves you or not. He cheated, so that indicates he does not love you or respect you. But then again he has a sudden change of heart so there might be something there that has clicked for him and now he doesnt want to lose you. Although he might just be scared of being alone and that's why he doesnt want to lose you!
So the choice is yours really - do you have any feelings left for him? If you do and you do want to make this work, then I think you need marriage counselling. If you dont have any feelings anymore, then the best thing to do is walk away now.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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