A
female
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anonymous
writes:Can a guy and a girl really be just friends? And by friends, I mean more then just talk and hang out in the same group. I mean have a proper friendship. Can they be best friends?So far in my life, at age of 19, I havent been able to have that. Any guy I thought was a good friend, stoped talking to me/hanging around me and contacting me whenever I got into a relationship.Do guys honestly ever just want to be friends with girls?
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (15 June 2008):
 Absolutely they can.
I think I would have found it far more difficult when I was younger. The lust would have overtaken the common sense. But now I have several really great, close friends who are women.
It does depend on your relationship with your partner. It needs a lot of trust, because inevitably there is always just a little "spark" between almost any man and woman who are really close - and the closer your friendship gets, the more that spark tends to become a real flame if you don't keep it under control. In fact, I think that the "spark" can be good. The acknowledgment that you are of the opposite sex and that you recognise it, enjoy it, and don't want it to go further than (perhaps) a hug when one of you is feeling down, is good. You recognise there is sexuality in both of you, and in recognising it you put it firmly within acceptable limits. It puts the friendship on a very different footing from a friendship with someone of the same sex (at least, it does for me), but it's never a threat to my relationship with my partner.
It's much more difficult to manage, I think, when your relationship with your partner is new and still finding its way. What would your new partner think if you suddenly flung your arms around some other guy? It doesn't work. But with an established and solid relationship it definitely can work.
Does that make any sense? I'm not sure I've explained it very well.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Yes, but usually? no.
Really cool, secure, not needy people can be friends with people of the opposite, GENUINE friends.
Most guys just wonder "what if I could," and their interest doesn't extend beyond that. But the wonder is still there, and as long as it's there, they're "friends" only to the extent that you're not willing to go further.
Guys aren't friends with you without first finding something attractive; it could be your personality, yuor loko, whatever, it'S SOMETHING that draws them to you, they need a REASON to be friends in the first place.
If you can honestly say you can offer a man sex/relationship /whatever and he'd turn it down, yes you're friends.
But guys don't end up being the platonic friends of girls WILLINGLY, it just happens. LOL.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (15 June 2008):
 Yes. I have lots of female friends that I have no sexual or romantic desire for. Men aren't attracted to every woman they meet just like women aren't attracted to every man they meet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): p.s I am with a new guy now, he's my best friend as well as my boyfriend, sometimes thats the best way :D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Ah, I had the same problem. I have had 2 proper best friends that are guys- one that I knew since I was 7 but stopped talking to me when I went out with one of his friends. (I had only met the friend a month or two before but my best friend had known him for a while) However, we did start talking again after the relationship ended. But now he's moved away so its harder to speak but when we were best friends we used to speak every day on the phone and it was great. Then I had another male best friend, the friendship was shorter but more intense. We were about as close as you could possibly get without being physically intimate but we drifted apart over the summer when I was with the guy who my other best friend stopped talking to me because of. So basically I lost both friendships because of this guy. I don't talk to the 'intense friend' anymore really but like I said, I still talk to the childhood friend. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make, I don't think its possible to have a really really close male friend unless hes gay or not interested in sex/relationships or you end up together. However, I do have many really good male friends, you just have to be careful that the line doesn't get crossed. I think because females are used to be so close with their female friends, they try and do this with male friends who aren't used to this kind of treatment and take it on a deeper level than just friendship. Sorry if this post was confusing, I was thinking as I went along! Hope it helped! xxx
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A
male
reader, Sandman  +, writes (15 June 2008):
 You can definitely be friends with the opposite sex without worry about sex.
I've been really good friends with my current best friend for about 6 years. We cheer each other along when we enter into new and exciting relationships and hold each other and cry when the chips are down. We're there for each other as friends.
Interestingly, we did once discuss the possibility of continuing our friendship into a more romantic one. While we both feel desires for each other, we decided that we would rather be friends and stay that way rather than risk entering into a relationship that might or might not work (although we both agreed that it would probably work out really well since we know each other sooo well).
So, men and woman can be friends. Some men and women aren't able to do this, but that's okay. Natural feelings tend to rear their ugly head when you've gotten to know someone really well and begin to develop desires beyond friendship. It is very natural for a man or woman to begin to have amorous feelings for the opposite sex, it's the natural design of our being. It's what you do with those feelings that make all the difference.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Saira_R +, writes (15 June 2008):
Well I must say no.
Although I am a girl, I get on with men more than women.
And although I'd like to think that its possible, the facts speak for themselves - I have had soo many problems in the past with many of my freinds telling me they liked me.
Maybe its just the male freinds I have had, but nearly of all of them have let me know they're interested by either flirting or declaring thier undying love.
You have to know that men ARE different from women - they will always see the potential of 'love interest' in you.
My advice to you would be to set up boundaries and let them know your not interested. AND if they dont get the hint and still try it, just tell them you dont see them in that way and move on.
It will feel weird at first, but you'll both quickly get over it.
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (15 June 2008):
 In a word, yes. guys and girls can "Just be friends". Not a thing wrong with it. My best friend is a girl and we get on fine no arguments, nothing.
So, be friends all you like and hope something comes out of it.
Remember: You can hug a girl without it being like a relationship =]
good luck!
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (15 June 2008):
 Yes, at school all my friends apart from one were guys. My girl friend stopped speaking to me when I moved country, but my guy friends still talk to me to this day and even come over for holidays and stay with me.
The thing is, we all know where we stand with each other. I dont want anything more than friendship with them, and they with me. If there is any chance of you wanting more than just friendship from them, thats when things head south.
I found guys made the best friends with me because we could discuss anything, and I mean anything and you could get both a guys and a girls point of view. No just one sided. Also when you have an argument with your boyfriend you can understand where he is coming from a little more since you have guys to try and make you understand.
Not all girls are lucky enough to have this type cirlce of friends. But once you have it, dont let it go!
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A
female
reader, purplecloud03 +, writes (15 June 2008):
 yes, im 18 and my best friend would be a male. he has always been there for me when something goes wrong with my bf even if its at like 2 in the morning when im upset...he comes around when sad or if he is worried about me he will come over...and vice versa i am always there for him when he needs me. He liked me once but that was a while ago and now we are just great best friends.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Yes.
So long as clear boundaries are set upon embarking on this. You need to understand that men are genetically programmed to want sex as much as we can get and emotions often mix into this.
I have female friends, some who I feel are attractive and that I'd sleep with if they asked, but some are too good to screw that shit up.
Flynn 24
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