A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know a woman who is beautiful. So beautiful that she gets noticed regularly and VIP treatment from people whenever she needs something. For example, when she damaged her fender she brought it to the auto body shop and they did not charge her because she smiled at them and they said "You are so beautiful!"She is a model and an aspiring actress and she gets taken on trips to distant places, all paid for, by men she meets.The problem as I see it is it allows her to do things which I find morally problematic. For example, she sleeps around for money. She also leads men on emotionally, thinking she is interested in them, and gets them to do things for her. She is also very narcissistic, and has come to rely on a bevy of men to do things for her.Personally I am troubled by her behavior. But upon reflection I wonder if it is the natural outcome of her beauty and being told she is beautiful and getting special treatment every day of her life.Specifically:1) Can a person be beautiful and still have a good person with good relationships? Or is it too difficult as you are always being used by men? How can you NOT become cynical or selfish?2) If you are beautiful, how do you use your beauty?I hope this is clear. Thanks for your input!
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 hi
this lady might have been narcissistic and a user of people even if she happened to be ugly. it happens. so, no, beauty is not the reason for her personality fault, it just means that shallow people will be more tolerant of her faults coz they are blinded by her beauty. in time, like everyone, her beauty will fade, so you will have to wait and see does she started being a nicer person when that time comes! :)
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Hi
answer no 2....to it's full advantage, ...yabadabadoooooooo
We all live life as we see fit as long as no one is out to hurt another .....time and life changes and how one chooses to live it is up to the individual.....her life style does not make her bad or good and her beauty does not make her shallow.....she may well look back in regret in some ways...however if she never used her beauty it is like a song never sung.
spunky monkey.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Hi,
Of course a woman can be beautiful and still be a good person with good relationships. It's a matter of choices and values.
I don't know how the woman you talk about was raised or educated, but she definitely has trouble with good values and good self esteem. Everybody does, but in different level.
The problem is that, not her being beautiful. It's all about how do you feel about yourself.
Beautiful people with problems like that tend to behave like the woman you mention. I bet if she was average beautiful, or even physically unpleasant, she would still act similar. Regardless of her appearance, if she has no good values and good self esteem, she will act morally problematic. The fact that she is beautiful just changes the way she relates to the rest of the world.
We must accept that we live in a world where physical appearance is a big deal (and it's sad), and she is very aware of it. And if she has somehow taken advantage of it and even making a living of it, is thanks to the shallow people around her that believe (so she does) that beauty is important.
I don't know if she feels happy with her values and lifestyle, but I don't think so. She should feel lonely.
Not everybody who is beautiful will fall into that behavior. I don't know if it will surprise you, but i know women who have suffered for being beautiful, because they are treated and jugded different without asking for it, and some ugly situations in their lives woudn't have happened if it weren't because of their beauty.
And and the end it's about being happy. Beauty doesn't last forever, and if she is setting her worthiness based on that, well... she would feel happier if she received help.
About how do I use my beauty?
The woman you talk about... i guess she doesn't ask for special treatment, people just give it to her.
Humans tend to like beautiful things, and if you are a beautiful thing, they will just like you. It's not your problem if they treat you better, but theirs. It later becomes your problem if you value yourself based on that.
I don't like preferential treatment, because it's shallow and discriminating, and sometimes embarrasing (because I know the reasons behind it ), but sometimes people insist on doing it even if you don't want to.
Maybe they do it with the expectation of getting something in return (but if you respect yourself that's not going to happen, unless you want to). But it's pretty easy, and simple, sometimes you do it unconsciously and sometimes you're not even trying and you get special treatment. So in my opinion, I do not encourage using your beauty as an advantage (it's cheap), but sometimes people make it happen. It's just not important, at least to me.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 I can't resist the wish to make use of one of the elements in Cerberus' post. I hope he won't mind.
This girl knows she gets the treatment she gets because men are truly interested in her great looks :-). I know, for I am similarly interested in Nicole Kidman.
You could say that she is immoral because she uses her looks (and genitalia) to manipulate people. That is true in a few cases. Cynical me, however, thinks that this is not exactly what is happening. It's more like "the invisible hand of Capitalism". She gets something in exchange of her giving something. Some fools are taken for a ride (like the one of the fender, for example) because they are throwing a fishing line in the hopes she will bite. And bite she does, only she wants to bite a juicier Apple (someone with an iPad, maybe). But, most of the time, it's an exchange of goods and services. The men she sleeps with, I imagine they get some cool (as in "nice") overheated moments of passion. (Wow, I'm getting devilish here).
This is not the natural outcome of her beauty, but a very frequent outcome of knowing that you have something others very much want to have.
So, not only Eyeswideopen is gorgeous and nice. Other women are, too.
Someone will warn this lady that, when the rose loses her red petals, and wrinkles set in, she will have nothing but the memories of the men who used her, and the memories of those nights of passion, and her trips, and the terrible void inside, and the memories of the things men used to do for her but won't do anymore, et cetera. But still she might think that is a fair price to pay.
Erm. I wonder why a 36-40 year old man is asking these questions. It can be - for Mind is Restless, and Inquisitive, and Man comes out Curious out of her Mother's Womb, much like birds come out featherless when they break the Shell - that the man in question has a philosophical interest in the matter. Or, Mr. Hephaestus has an interest in Venus, only he wishes she were not the way she is. Heph fears that Venus (Oh, Venus...) will abuse him.
If this is the case, O Poster, I think you have to understand that, most likely, Venus won't change. I just looked at bird's entrails and learned that (you can tell a little birdy told me). Diana, the hunter, is gorgeous as well. Plus, she cooks and caughts deer herself. And she's a virgin. I would go for her instead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Yes there are "beautiful" women who are not cynical, entitled or selfish. But how someone chooses to use there beauty can have a great bearing on what kind of person they are. From what you describe, this woman seems content letting her beauty take her places and get her things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): "Can a person be beautiful and still have a good person with good relationships? Or is it too difficult as you are always being used by men? How can you NOT become cynical or selfish?"
Yeah of course. I know a few exceptionally beautiful women that have always had good guys in relationships, aren't cynical about men and insist on paying their own way through life. They never let guys give them anything for free, because they're smart enough to know that it's not really free, there's always a catch a sexual motive.
It's down to personal morals. Their morals say everyone is equal and they just want to be treated equally. But their morals also include the guys that they date and how they date. They want love not sex, I mean they get chatted up so often they could have 3-4 guys a night if they wanted but they decided that wasn't for them. For them sex is only a part of love and any guy that wants sex has to prove he's worthy of their love first.
"If you are beautiful, how do you use your beauty?"
Why do you have to use beauty? We have a million other intellectual and physical qualities that we can use instead. When you use beauty you use the superficial, what you do and what you get is based on nothing more than shallow desire. You don't have to use beauty for anything and beauty fades too, plus when the personality doesn't match then it fades exceptionally quickly.
The girl you describe leads a wholly shallow existence, she has set up a life where people only view her as an object of desire and she whores herself out to get what she wants. That's not a very fulfilling life at all and believe it or not that's not the easy way of doing things either. It's far easier and more rewarding to achieve goals through merit and hard work.
No it's not a natural part of her life because she hasn't received special treatment her entire life. You see not all men give a girl like special treatment, only a few saps do and only because she gives them "You can have me" signals. Just like only some girls will hate her for being pretty.
Your view on it is quite myopic, this is a learned behaviour on her part and is part of her personality. One of those girls I mentioned before is extremely humble and shy. In fact she hasn't had a boyfriend in years because she doesn't get asked out. Guys chat her up all the time but once they talk to her and realize she's not only about looks but has brains too then they're not interested. Truly that is the case. You see a lot of the guys can't see past her looks and just want to bone her. When they realize she's an intelligent woman that demands a bit of respect and she's not just a beautiful woman that is an easy lay they back off. She wants intelligent conversation and an emotional connection and she's had a long life to learn the difference between guys that want her for her looks and guys that are truly interested.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 January 2011):
 I don't think I'm cynical or selfish. Although I do get cranky sometimes.
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