A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can a boy really change for a girl?not look wise, but habbit wise, such as stop smoking, drinking and doing drugs and start trying to get a good education?i met a boy who i have known for 3 weeks, we are both 15 and he has told me he loves me and will change for me- i am a total good girl and my parents disapprove of him.However so far he has shown no signs of changing and last night whilst on the phone to him, he told me again that he is going to change, however then whispered to one of his friends that he was lying, and so i have told him i cant date him unless he changes, the problem is its not just that, its his friends too, they all act this way- but worse - and they scare me a little. So even if he changes, i cant ask him to change his friends as this is out of order.But the main thing i need to know is can someone really change for someone else?thank youxxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Easy answer, could you change for him? Start smoking and drinking, do drugs and drop out of school?
No? Then that is your answer.
A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (30 May 2008):
 He is going to have sex with you and use you. FACT. your going to get treated like shit and your going to be let down by him. i say this because i can make assumptions on people based on what things the say and do, because im a psycologist and i have studies human minds since i was 13. Look at it this way. all girls have been with guys that they regret ever sleeping with and they always say that they are users and cheaters. now imagine ureself a year in the future. can you imagine yourself telling your friends that this boy now treated you with respect and didnt use you and he did everything for you, he stopped smoking , drugs, drink and ditched his friends for me and so on. from what you see now. can you really imagine that going out with him is going to be a good experience for you.??
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 May 2008):
 You already asked something like this, didn't you?
He can change his habits and his actions, and some boys do if the incentive is great enough - in other words if he really wants you badly and that's the only way he is going to get you.
What he can't change, and may only change over a very long time, is his basic character. Character is built on his whole upbringing - 15 years of it in this case. It's also partly genetic, and that part will always be there. You can't expect to change overnight something that's the result of 15 years lifestyle and experience. And you already said you can't change his friends. Neither can you change his family nor his background.
Just remember that your parents have a greater experience of life and of people than you do. They might be wrong to disapprove on this occasion, but it is always worth listening to their views and opinions. Ultimately you make your own decisions. From what you say, however, I suspect that this is one time that your parents might be right. It would be heartbreaking to start a seriously relationship and then get badly hurt when it all goes wrong.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (30 May 2008):
 i agree with waterloo.. but if he isnt going to change for you or himself then their is no point in having a relationship that isnt going to work because of these problems.. of course you cant tell him to change his friends but he should be able to resist temptation of doing the things he is doing.. hope this helps aphex
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): If he is young, then yes he can change it is when they get older and more set in their ways that no way can they change, but they can be steered into better ways.n Give him an ultimatum, he either changes or you are out of there. Simple. If he doesnt change then dont waste your life on this waste of space.
take care
xx
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