A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was younger, I could not get laid--could not even get a date--to save my life. I never went to any dances, never went to proms, nothing. This year, however, I lived in Africa for 3 months and when I came back to college, somehow, things changed big time. First phone number, first kiss, first date, first time, all of it--all since May! Anyhow, yeah, I'm not sure exactly what would explain it all but once I got the courage to ask someone out and had all of those firsts, I gained a tremendous amount of confidence and it paid me back. I've been asked out 8 times and have been in 2 relationships, and I have an FWB who's always there when I'm not in a relationship. I've never been happier, lol. Myself, my view is, "whatever makes me happy." I could care less about how many guys I've slept with and so on as long as I'm keeping it safe. But I know that for many guys, on the other hand, this matters.Since May, I've slept with 3 men, two of whom I was in a relationship with and one who's the fwb I mentioned. I'm going on a date tomorrow night with who might end up being in the next few months, guy #4. Like I said, I could care less so long as I keep it clean. But to you--to those of you who don't believe in a hedonist sex life (lol), is this too much?I'll be 19 in September.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chilledoranges +, writes (31 January 2012):
perception is perception. To be honest I am a nineteen year old girl and I have slept with more people then I can count on my hands. I personally find nothing wrong with it. I am STD free and have had no babies. What truly matters in this situation is your personally self esteem, beliefs and staying safe.
A
female
reader, Jesc +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Awh, You don't. :)
Different people with different morels :)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Well don't I look like the slutty agony aunt.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (23 August 2010):
 It's your life, my dear. Morality is, after all, relative, sexual morality even more so. Provided tht you are staying safe and know what you're doing, who's to object?
If it gives you any comfort, or at least a sense of solidarity, I had a similar sort of pattern, with two lovers until I was eighteen followed by a sort of avalanche after. Having said that, I may not be the best example of a moral seraph.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Its your life! And I don't think it matter what we think. Be careful tho. Ima be 19 this month on the 27th and I only had sex with 2 guys. :)
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A
female
reader, Fefi  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 um well, i wouldnt jump into great social and sex life so quickly, cuz u might regret it. take things one thing at a time, cuz people out there may start thinking ur being promiscuous, and then youll loose ur friends as quick as u lost ur virginity.
i think that you should say yes to one and no to the rest, experience a commitment, have a long-term relationship.
its really hard to explain, but once you start being more patient you will realise how much less guilty u'll feel.
tell me how things go ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): You may not care who you have slept with.But if you carry on like that,it definitely will not do wonders for your reputation.Once word gets around,more guys will be coming your way (no pun intended) for their chance,because word gets around,and when the time comes when you want a serious relationship,it will be hard for you to find one.No guy wants to date the 'town bicycle',trust me,im a guy,i know.And no girl wants to walk around with that label above their head.So i would cool it abit if i was you.
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A
female
reader, Jesc +, writes (22 August 2010):
Honestly. It should not matter what we think.
You said it yourself. "What ever makes me happy." I'm glad you care about safety.
To answer your question is hard. It's different for every one. On my behalf I think it's enough to last you for a while at lest till 25. I know sounds harsh but I have only been with two guys. I'm 20 now and I feel icky about it. I'm a very "this is my body" type of person tho.
As long as you don't feel sick by it. Don't allow yourself to be judged. Have fun :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): My number is 1
My younger sister has had 6
my younger bro has had 2 and is your age.
My mum has had 5 in her entire life
My dad is somewhere in his double digits but won't say where lol
One of my female friends my age has had 32.
Now i'm giving you these details to not say - heck look, this is normal or not normal but to say whatever your number ... if you are happy then it doesn't matter as that is normal for you. Yeah to me (lass of 1) 3 since may seem like a lot buts its not really. Like you said, you have been in two relatiosnhips and have one FWB - so i don't think it that important how low or high your number is. I think if you were partner switching every night then that may be different because no matter how safe you are, i could consider that putting yourself at risk. As for boyfriends and numbers - have a no share policy, the past is the past and your with them, so however many ex's you have had or he has had don't matter. You are together NOW.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 August 2010):
I dont think there's an appropriate number as long as your being safe, birth control and he wears a condom. As long as it's not in say the 30s then your fine. My number is 16 and Im 25.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): If you hadn't had sex with these men how would you feel about your life? Do you feel more in touch with your intrinsic self for having realized your sexual self? What wisdom can you relate about this turn of events?
I believe in being happy but I don't think the PURPOSE of one's life is to maximize one's feelings of pleasure. Nor do I think it is to avoid pain. Now if you have engaged in sexual activity solely because you wanted to have as many sexual pleasurable feelings as possible to the detriment of your own moral code then you have been somewhat profligate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Everyone has the right to their own opinions about this.
If you want to know what guys see as "too much" then it really depends on the guy. Some guys really don't care at all although many guys do care.
I can tell you that the circumstances matter to most guys. Most guys can deal with the idea of your previous sex life better if we feel like you were seriously involved with those guys and they each really meant something to you. The past FWBs and one night stands usually bother us a lot more. It means sex with you has been a freebie that other guys didn't have to do anything to earn.
Nobody likes knowing they paid full price for something that was handed out cheaper or totally free yesterday.
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