A
female
age
30-35,
*mm
writes:my boyfriend and i have been in a long distance relationship for almost three years on and off. i feel like i constantly have these insecurities that eat me up inside. i try not to show them because i don't want to push him away. but he has this female best friend who he has known since before we started dating. they used like each other but he says they never did anything because they didn't want to ruin the friendship and because she is like a little sister. i have never met her either. they rarely ever hangout and when they do i get in some sort of panic mode. i try to act cool about it but he knows me too well. i don't want to be the kind of girlfriend who keeps him away from his friends so i wouldn't tell him not to hang out with her. that would also make me a hypocrite because i have a friend that we also used to like each other. whenever i hang out with my friend my boyfriend does not freak out and he says he doesn't care because he trusts me, but for some reason i cant have that mentality of just not caring. i do trust him and hes never cheated on me so i don't know how to control what i feel whenever he hangs out with her or talks to her. she has never done anything personally to me and she maybe has an idea that I'm not to comfortable with their friendship. but what can i do to make this feeling go away? how can i get over this jealousy issue when it comes to her?
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best friend, cheated on me, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (5 September 2011):
This is risky, but may be the only way to resolve things in your mind. I once had a long distance relationship and the woman told me that she has no claim to me (because of the inconvenience of the distance) and I was free to date whomever.
So you may just want to tell him that he has the right to date whomever he wants, but if he is feeling like he wants to, to tell you first.
I can only go by what you are saying here, but my guess is that he will tell you that he is saving himself for you.
But if he really does have romantic feelings for another, then he will (or should) tell you.
Don't go into this girl specifically. I would bring it up when this girl is not the subject of conversation.
Often, letting someone know they have freedom is the best way to know where you stand with them and get closure.
And btw, that woman who told me she had no claim to me, I stayed true to her out of my own heart and when I was ready to end it I told her so before I did anything with anyone else (and I did not have anyone in mind at the time, it was issues with our relationship).
Now, if the two of you are engaged to be married(but I don't think you are because you did not mention it), then forget all of this. You just have to trust him, and if you don't trust her, let him know.
If any of this does not resolve things for you, then you have to realize that you just can't be in a relationship if you are driven crazy by jealousy. It does not matter if your jealousy is rationally justified or not, you just can't do this to yourself.
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