A
female
age
26-29,
*onelyTomboy
writes:Hi, Aunts,Okay, this is not a love question. This is a family question, so it might be the wrong website, but this place is where I get the fastest responses.Recently I've stopped school for health reasons (social anxiety overload!) and am starting homeschooling next year. At first things were going allright, but now I'm getting anxiety attacks at home as well!My school anxiety sprung from bully teachers and students. Doing work from home was a perfect escape from this. But now I'm stuck at home, where I get bullied by my family.You probably think I'm a selfish teenager. My folks say so, too. But my money's being taken and not given back, my dreams are being pushed aside as "phases", my sister gets to do two part-time university courses while I can't even do one until she finishes (aka six years from now), I don't get allowances and I can't even get a job because nobody will go out of their way to drive me (and we live in the middle of nowhere). Meantime I'm being told I don't do anything with my life, and when I want to do something, I'm told to wait because I won't manage without their help. And I can never say anything (not even "boy it's hot outside) without my lawyer dad debating against it! I'm not joking! If he can't argue, he says "why do you go on and on about the same thing?", even if it is a totally new idea!I feel terribly uncomforteable and suppressed in my own home. It's no longer feeling like home. I've mentioned it all to my parents, but there has been no change.What do I do? Deal with it? Run away and move in with my supportive best friend? Get some sort of therapy? Build myself a shack in the backyard and start living independant of my family? Or has anyone got a better idea?
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female
reader, LonelyTomboy +, writes (7 November 2015):
LonelyTomboy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe world is very cruel towards teenagers, throwing off any problems they are having as"hormones". Please look better before blaming them so quickly. Telling them "others have it worse" isn't going to help.I know a girl who had a sensitive scalp. Her ex-best-friend, who knew about the sennitivity, kept yanking at her hair and she screeched every time this happened. Teachers didn't notice the other girl's part and the girl whose hair was being pulled kept getting into trouble for randomly screaming in class, "looking for attention".At the same school, a teenage boy had a habit of shouting "and my dad beats me!" as a closing to any arguments he picked where he lost. Once agsin, considered as teenage moaning. And guess what? Yes, as it turned out his dad regularly abused him.Please stop with "teenage phase"-ing people. It's not a solution to any problem. Even if it is only teenage ranting, you only make it worse by telling them it doesn't really matter because they are a teenager.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2015): You have trapped yourself in your home by the homeschooling. In my opinion that is an extremely bad idea for you. The only way you will learn to deal with anxiety is by exposing yourself continously to uncomfortable situations. If you start doing this now it will help you later on. you are very young to label yourself and write yourself off as not being able to go to school. I have anxiety problems myself, though only tackled it with meds as an adult which never helped me- getting on with it and trying my best did. I was bullied at school by most of my class (I mean hit etc) so I spent everday terrified about what people would do to me. I had a good family but my dad was unkind to me so I felt I had a double dose of bullying from him as well. I worked through my issues and tried to push myself to interact with people doing voluntry work etc I later worked in the police and now security as it is good for me to have to interact with people for work (as I wouldnt choose to otherwise) I have tried to make my weakness a strength. I also have a desire to help and protect people (probably for having a bad time at school- never stuck up for myself but can stick up for others).I hate seeing people bullied. You have to push yourself and you may be suprised by what you can do. I would also say definely find yourself a nice hobby that you can do by yourself or with others to relax with and enjoy every day.nobody is perfect but your family will always be your family, so try to appreciate them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2015): You definitely need therapy for your anxiety issues, but homeschooling is hiding from the world. You need exposure.
Not simply give-in to your difficulty with dealing with outsiders and social situations. That's what therapy is for.
The whole world is not bullying you and against you. You're a teenager. Everything you've described in your post is what almost all teenagers brood about. Nobody understands, everybody's mean to you, and you can't get along with anybody; because every last kid on the planet is out to get you.
Come on. Somebody in your family loves you. You love them too!
Seriously?!!
There's evidence of bad attitude in the mix. Not just anxiety. It's that awkward point in your life when you're too young to be an adult, and too old to be a kid. Been there and done that.
Some of this is attributed to your "alleged" social/emotional anxiety disorder, the rest is teenage hormones and your growing mind and body.
Life is confusing, because you're overwhelmed with learning so much and wanting to know so much at the same time. Your poor little developing mind can't process everything coming at you so fast, and you get a little run-over.
Moms and dad's are supposed to come down on you. Sibling and other kids are supposes to pick on you. It is part of learning how to defend yourself and deal with difficult and hostile situations. Learning to adjust to real-life society and developing tools of survival. First you have to deal with your anxiety issues; so you're not always outmatched by everyone you encounter. You're pushed into a corner and not sure how to fight back. Therapy will help you realize you can handle this as good as anybody else. It will also teach you that everyone has to go through this in life, and you can't hide from it. People are everywhere and you're one of us.
You'll outgrow the hormonal-overload. You'll learn to deal with jerks and mean people. Mean people suck!!! I know! Unfortunately, they populate the world with the rest of us and we have to learn to deal with them. You will. You just need some time, a little therapy, and you still need exposure; because everyone needs friends. Eventually you may want to date boys. They can't find you, if you're hidden away!
You overcome awkwardness by pushing yourself out there, and taking a few lumps. Everybody feels out of place now and then. That's normal. Especially at your age. You'll always feel that, no matter how old you are. It's human!
Love your family. They love you. You're at a clumsy stage in development. They're right, you are going through phases. They've been through them to; so your parents know what's going on. However; if you need professional counseling, you should not be denied that. Ask them if you feel you need it, or see your school psychologist who will most likely recommend it for you.
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A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji  +, writes (6 November 2015):
 Sounds like you're going through a rough patch. I understand why you feel the way you do. The thing is, parents tend to think teenagers are going through so much phases and they're very indecisive with their thoughts and feelings, which could be why your dad debates with you a lot. I know, it can be annoying. But when you're frustrated, do something to release your feelings it may help with your anxiety too, such as meditating and keep positive thoughts around you. Just don't give up with your future plans. Running away isn't the smartest idea, it will get you in trouble. But yes, get some therapy, in that way you can express yourself without feeling a type of way, and could then ask them to help you look for a job. Hope it works ;)
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