A
female
age
30-35,
*inkladieee
writes:Here's the thing.I met this guy three years ago and we got into a relationship pretty quickly. Longo story short, we broke up after 3 months (he gave me no explanation).Since then we have still stayed close and have been in a limbo stage where, stupidly I am there when he wants me and not when he doesn't. We are still very close and I have asked him countless amounts of times as to why we aren't together etc - the best answer I have had is that we just don't work in a relationship and are better when we aren't so close, plus he tells me he has issues - but doesn't tell me hat they are.I have since then been on a few dates, I have told him about them. When he knows I am with someone he tries really hard to win me back and then he drops me.I know I am being played and I know I probably seem naiive, but there is something about him which I can't let go of - I actually think it is the need to protect him.I have actually met someone else, and I am starting to think that things might get serious with this new guy. He doesn't know the situation with guy A and probably doesn't need to, but I don't want to tell guy A about my latest situation in case he turns and I never see him again.Guy A is a really good mate and it would be a real shame to lose touch with him completely, and I owe it to guy B not to see guy A 1:1 but I don't know what to do.I don't think this is a case of having my cake and eating it, I don't want both guys in the same way. I like guy B and even if it doesn't work out with him, guy A probably isn't even the 'one', but I still don't want to lose all contact with him.Shall I just suck it up and face the fact that I will never hear from guy A again? Do I tell him the situation and see how he takes it? Do I just completely cut guy A off all together? I have no idea what to do. I don't want to hurt him, but he has been stringing me along for 3 years... Ideas?
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (7 November 2015):
 Ok... so you're not blinded to the fact that guy a is definitely a nasty piece of work... but you still let yourself be strung along by him like a piece of trash attached to a string... you have more control than you realise- you’re the one who has let him string you along all these years... like mina said so don't mug yourself off... Guy a isn't a friend, he's a miserable rat that just wants to bring you down... cut contact with him... maybe that exercise of power will actually get you to respect yourself more- sorry but it's incredible you've let yourself be used for this long... you're young of course and emotional, but we all make mistakes, we just need to learn from them. Some of us don’t, some of us take a lot longer. I think you're a smart woman who deserves better and has what it takes to cut her losses and cut him loose!You won't hurt guy a... you'll just send him into a wrathful strop... guys like him really aren't that emotionally sensitive... whatever emotional front he might feign is just an attempt to trick and manipulate you... If guy b is a nice guy, and you like him, try him out but take things slowly, because there really is no need to rush into anything at your age... go in with your head, as well as your heart.Take care!
A
female
reader, pinkladieee +, writes (7 November 2015):
pinkladieee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. I think you are both right, I just needed some back up for what I am feeling I guess.
I appreciate you taking the time to answer me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 November 2015):
 The fact is, that guy A doesn't want you as a GF, but he doesn't want you to move on either. That is why he tries to win you "back" when you are seeing a new guy or give you the silent treatment.
The fact that he doesn't want you to move on, doesn't mean he LOVES you or even CARES for you. All he knows is that HE can make you as miserable as he feels. How is that a good thing?
The guy (A) might have some issues, but honestly... that is for HIM to sort out and get help for. YOU are not Florence Nightingale and you can't FIX him. Accept that.
IF guy B is a good guy, and he is someone you can see yourself with then CUT A out of your life.
A knows that at some point you might "wake" up and smell the coffee and dump him. So I don't think it's going to "hurt" him much and even if it does hurt him, DO you really think you OWE him to live in this "limbo" as you call it? to "protect him" ? From what? Life?
Let A go. Stop deluding yourself into thinking he is your responsibility and that he can't live without you in his life. He can. He did before he met you and after he dumped you.
Come on, girl... What you have with guy A sounds like the most unhealthy and co-dependent waste of a time.
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A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji +, writes (6 November 2015):
 3 years is a long time. He strings you along cause he knows he can. Remember people only treat you the way you allow them to. And he's being rather unfair. I personally feel as if you shouldn't have any loyalty towards him - in regards to what you tell him and what you don't. Men tend to (not all men) have these feelings, that they don't want you but they want no one else to have you too.
As you said, Guy B could be serious. But don't show him any sort of interest until you know what YOU want. Seems like Guy A will end up trying to destroy your relationship with Guy B if it does work. So Guy A needs to go if you want things with Guy B. But this is only if it's what YOU want.
You seem rather confused, maybe sit down and have a long think about it, and keep them both at arms length until you know what you want. But remember one thing, know your worth and never settle for less just cause it's there.
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