A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help! My brother cheated on his wife. She found out, patched it up, but made his life unbearable. He left and went back to the other women 9 months ago. We didn't know until he announced they were having a baby due now!My brother and ex-wife don't need to see each other again, but she has maintained contact with my parents and recently with me, she was devasted when she found out (not from us)that he'd gone back to this women. It would destroy her if she found out about the baby as they couldn't have children. I feel so guilty and false. I'd like to keep in touch but find it hard not to engage in conversation about my brother as we are saddened by what has happened. I'm crying at night because this baby should have been their's. I know it's for the best she doesn't find out but she will hate us and i feel i should tell her. I dont know!!!!
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ex-wife, my ex, sister in law Reply to this Question
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female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 I agree with the above answers. Tell her. If you consider her a friend tell her, if she is just your brothers wife then stay out of it but if you and her are FRIENDS tell her. I went through a similiar situation and to this day I hate my in-laws for not telling me about a baby my husband had while we were seperated. TELL HER!!!!!
A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Cheating never produces anything good. I'd tell her. She is developing a friendship with your family that spans beyond the broken marriage bounds. Just set up the conversation telling her you have some not so good news. It would be better for her to hear it from you than to run into your brother, the other woman and child at the same place. She maybe angry when you tell her but it be a real shock to the system if she put two and two together when looking at the child (or even pictures of the baby in the home).
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (25 July 2007):
 I also think you should tell her as hard as it will be for both of you i think it would be better coming from you than someone else, she has a relationship with you and obviously trusts you.
I'm sure she will apprieciate you and you're family being there for her and not ousting her.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Thats a really tough one isn't it. You poor woman. To be honest, as I see it, your sister in law is going to be devestated over this, however she finds out...but she will find out eventually. Is it better for her to find out by accident and then feel betrayed by those she is trying to maintain contact with? or is it better for you and maybe your mum to sit down with her over a cup of tea and go through what is happening. At least that way you can be there to help support her if she expresses anger or sadness, which is her right to do.
Your brother has obviously gone his own way and isnt concerned about his ex but it isn't fair to have this hanging over your head and have it spoil your relationship with your sister in law. You obviously want to support her through this and that is a very sweet and decent thing for you to do...so do it open and honest and as gently as you can.
Its a very difficult situation and pain is unavoidable, but at least, this way you can minimise it and allow her to grieve, knowing she has yours and your parents support and then she can move on.
Best of luck and a big hug for you.
Aunty Em x
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