A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 52 yrs old and was sexually molested by my brother between ages 7-8. Recently this conversation conversation came up and he told me he had never really abused me. He says that he spoke to other people and that touching me thru the sheets was not abuse. I was stunned-as my recollection is quit different. He did a lot more than than, but he never penetrated my with his penis. He did use his fingers and toungue. He states I imagined it all , or better yet says i dreamt it!? I am in shock, hurt and have been left speechless. I don't even know if it is worth persuing this and discussing it further in front of my older sister. I just cannot believe he is convienced i am lying. Does this happen often? Do persons who do these things often deny then or change their realities? He put the blame on me and says I turned things around because I enjoy victemhood. What the heck???Please give me some imput. Is this something that happens, where the abuser completely feels he never really did any of the things the abusee knows she went thru?I would really appreciate any comments, or any help in this matter. I don't even know if it is worth fighting over it, or just letting it slide and distancing myself from my brother. aaughhhhhhhh Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): my brother(blood brother) did this to me and it went on until i was about 12....my ex last year brought up that it seems like my brother was intrested in me and it brought up memories...hes 2 years older than me...my parents dont understand why i have suck hatreed for him...he tryed penatraction...this is this 1st time ive really told anyone...but i guess since tommarow is 1 yr since the rape it brought it up..im so embarrsed to tell anyone cuz i dont want them to think im imbred or something..cuz thats just repolsing
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female
reader, hunkydory  +, writes (28 August 2009):
My step brother sexully abused me when I was young, but ive never spoke to anyone about, never told anyone. Ive thot bout it but we are kinda close now and he acts like nothing happens. Do what you think is best for you, no1 will judge you!
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 August 2009):
Well it sounds to me like your brother is in denial. He knows what he did was sick and wrong, but now he's trying to turn it around and make himself look like the victim. So in other words, he's still manipulative and sick. He knows exactly what he did, but doesn't want to admit it. I would just distance myself from him. He has violated you in the past, and now he's trying to make you look like the bad guy, when he in fact is. Try to keep him out of your life as much as possible, he adds nothing to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): I don't know if its common specifically for a sexual perpetrator to change reality, but I do know that it is common for anyone carrying a large load of guilt.I was sexually molested as a child and I was the one who carried a huge load of guilt and shame... in my case I remember conciously deciding that I was going to pretend that it never happened. I was aware of the truth and eventually when I was of a maturity to be able to deal with it, I re-visited the issue.I think there is a distinct possibility that your brother suffered as greatly as you. Maybe he was unable to deal with the full truth (and he obviously had guilt or he wouldn't have discussed it with someone to begin with) and suppressed the memory or restructured it to something more manageable.My suggestion would be to try to forgive the child who did this to you. I am assuming you were of somewhat similar ages which means he was a child... and likely he was a child who was also molested by someone. His memories, shame, and guilt are his punishment.It is difficult to forgive someone who does not express remorse and take responsibility for their actions, but its not impossible. Forgiveness is really about you and gving yourself permission to let go and move on. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to trust him or put yourself in situations with him that trigger memories. If you need distance from him... take it. If you eventually are comfortable with him, fine...Trust and forgiveness are not the same so don't trust him with children...make sure children are never in vulnerable positions with him. (That doesn't necessarily mean announce your precautions to the world... just keep your antenae up).
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reader, Collaroy  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Can you tell us how old your brother was when he was doing this?
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