A
female
age
30-35,
*oGreen126
writes:Hi!My best friend also happens to be my exbf. I have deeper feelings for him than I could ever imagine, especially being in high school. We broke up 4 months ago and I'm still a mess over it. I've dated a few guys since, but I couldn't get very emotionally invested. I just broke up with another guy under a week ago. I was with my best friend for only 4.5 months. The relationship was short and so is the time it's been afterward.I cry myself to sleep an average of, I'd say, twice a week. I don't exactly want my best friend back, I just want him to love me the same way I love him. I know this all sounds very teenage and dramatic, I'm sorry, I'm just stating the facts to the best of my ability.I'm losing sleep over it--for hora I'll lie awake and pretend to be in his arms, and that's the only way I can get some rest. Can anyone help me, please?(P.S. I've commonly been asked upon asking questions of this nature if I slept with him. No, I did not, we went no further than kissing. I have also been advised to abandon the friendship. This isn't a legitimate option if I value my sanity, and I do.)Thanks so much for the help, and for simply reading this whole long entry!-GG
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female
reader, GoGreen126 +, writes (18 September 2009):
GoGreen126 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.
But... How do we stop being friends? He's the person I'm closest with in the world. He sits next to me in a few of my classes as well... How would all that work? (Ive never not been friends with an ex afterward)
I don't know to what the insomnia is due. I feel like I can turn my mind off... But when I do, I just lie there For hours.
Your help is greatly appreciated.
-GG
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): If you have troubles with insomnia, try Tylenol PM. Do you have these problems because you cannot stop thinking?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): To sleep, force your mind not to think. Every time you think of him, force yourself to think of something else.
I was in love--absolutely--in the 8th grade. After 9 months, he broke up with me. Honestly, it took me 3-4 years to get over the pain even though I dated other guys. Throughout my life, I wondered about him. Some years later I learned that he had "really gone down the sewer," and that gave it closure.
You cannot be friends with the guy. Every time you see or talk with him, it will "reawaken" the pain. Don't talk to him at all. You will feel better about yourself as a result of it because you it will give you control over the situation.
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A
female
reader, GoGreen126 +, writes (9 September 2009):
GoGreen126 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for the feedback!
I feel I stated my problem wrong, however. I love this guy (as best as my teenage brain can comprehend that, hahaha) in a romantic way, yes, as far as I know. But FAR more importantly is how I feel about him as a friend. He knows me better than anyone else in the world, and I him. If I am upset, I go to him. If I need a hug, I go to him.
I can't sleep at night--I've had issues with (mild) insomnia for as long as I cam remember. If I try to pretend he's there with me though, I feel safe. I feel warm. This is when it's easiest to sleep.
I feel like I will lose him as a friend if I can't let go of the idea of dating him. I don't want that, and high school is a place where being friendless is hard to bear. These thoughts that allow me to sleep, I feel, are hindering my getting over him.
What can I do to sleep?
Thanks for responses, this is kind of like an all new question, but thi is what I shouldve said the first time. Thank you!
-GG
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): He WILL NOT love you in the same way you love him. People love in different ways, so forget that. A lot of what you are experiencing is your pride. You rushed into the arms of another trying to replace what you had, but that didn't help. You have to get over this on your own and move on.One tidbit: When he comes to mind, say "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus" to prevent thoughts of him. If that doesn't work, create a word of your own.
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female
reader, superbunny  +, writes (8 September 2009):
 Without sound like an old bumbling fool (Not that I'm THAT much older than you) you are far too young to be worrying about those kinds of things - you say you went out with him and dated a few guys in the months that have followed? Give yourself a break from trying to make or wanting things to happen - if something will happen it will unfold gradually. You don't say in your post why you actually broke up? It sounds like he ended it: which sadly may be why he is not interested in you like that.
You will get over it sweetie, trust me. What seems like something huge will eventually seem small the older you get
I hope this helps.
x x x x
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