A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, I have left my jobs to. Follow him wherever his job takes him. Last year I had a miscarriage. Since then we have been living in qatar. I was unable to work without a visa so I have been a house GF for the last year. Our sex life has become almost non existant, he said he was too tired of stressed about work. He had left his email open by accident, and so I had a look. I found emails to and from this girl. I was devastated. I called him and he came home. He promised there was no one else and that nothing had happened. He said he was just after a cheap thrill. So I moved past it and said I would never mention it again. The following week he left his phone at home, it had a lock although I knew it but he isn't know that! I looked, I found 10 diff girls at least, call logs for 20 mins, texts asking them to meet for lunch or sex! Sending valentines messages etc, when I confronted him again he said he'd never actually done anything, except one message says I really enjoyed lunch, mentioned a second date, you name the hotel etc etc. he was only saying about the future the other day, then as I was packing, he said he didn't love me anymore, but he had never cheated! I got on the next flight out of there! We had a fiery relationship right through. I hope his is the right thing. I still love him but not sure if in love with I'm.... Any advice? This is my first time of going through this :-(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Good for you.
Yes you did the right thing to leave him. You will never trust him again will you?
Take time and heal...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Definitely time to leave.
Trust your gut on this. And sorry, he WAS cheating. Perhaps not having physical sex, but he was emotionally cheating by getting involved with other girls. And honestly if he is ASKING for lunch & sex what is that then?
He said he didn't love you anymore, of course because he thinks by withholding an emotional bond to you it makes it YOUR fault it ended. What a loser.
Learn from this. If you are DATING a guy who does this, don't give him a second chance. Just walk away.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Of course you did the right thing, would you believe that he booked hotels ..for going there and not doing anything ?
But that's not really the point, even if he had abstained from sexual contacts, he still is a guy who spends a lot of time and attention on seeking cheap thrills and having his ego stroked by strangers, maybe he sees it as a hobby but it is a stupid and indecorous hobby and it says a lot about the kind of man he is. Not a man who'd make a good husband or long time partner , so you have nothing to regret.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Christ, he sounds like a grade A lying arsehole!!!
It's one thing to make up a little white lie but to tell a huge whopper! in the face of such devestating evidence is not only insane, it's disrespectful, cruel and a bare faced cheek.
I don't know what it is about women.
We all seem to be inbuilt with 'bullshit acceptance' mode.
We will take any old crap, lying, cheating, domestic violence, abuse, bad language, lazy partners that won't work and live off of us, we have children and then allow the father to walk out and pay nothing and never see his kids, we take the smallest portion, we accept controlling men who tell us what to wear and insult us in front of our friends, we stand by and let them oogle other women or have sex chats via text and the internet. We get told our bodies are the wrong shape, too fat, too thin, too tall (in my case), our boobs are too saggy. We allow men to manipulate every last bit of original thought in our heads...and for what???
BECAUSE WEEEEE LOVE HIM (add whiny voice here)
A lot of men behave like pigs because they never have that HUGE slap in the face of reality, by women saying
'NO I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH YOUR SHIT!!!'
Ask any man about other men...even they agreee that they'd never come back as a woman in the next life...because they just couldn't take men's shit!!
(of course they'd all make the joke about staying home and playing with their own tits!!! because most of them think the same)
For most women life (even with a partner they love) is drugery, hard work and the lambs share.
Your 'guy' is a prime example of a man who has learned to play women. He doesn't care who gets hurt, he doesn't worry about telling lame lies to wriggle out of his guilt. He will toss you and any other woman aside if someone better comes along and he will lie to her too...
'My wife/girlfriend doesn't understand meee' (whiny voice again)
This goes on and on and on and on and will never change, so before you sink like a stone into the mire of sadness and heartbreaking despair, pondering every little thing and driving yourself over a cliff with 'guilt for dumping him'...remember this...He was made this way and nurtured into his lying, cheating ways by many many women before you.
The only thing you should be doing is smiling that you finally got rid of him and making a note to yourself that if you sniff out this behaviour from your next boyfriend you will look him right in the eye and shout
'NOOOO I will NOT put up with your shi...'
You get the picture!!!!
(Disclaimer for all the men who will jump on my head...YES some women do this too, but no way as many and they learned to do it....from men)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7Akwy4pxF0
Listen to George, he's on the nail!! and could say it so much better than I ever could xxx
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