A
female
age
41-50,
*oveyDoveyBear
writes:My bf's story...he met this girl she got pregnant they got married and before the baby was born she cheated on him, he tried to stay with her for the baby but he just couldn't deal with her anymore so now they are going through divorce and soon they are going to fight for custody. My bf told me so many things about her that he feels she just used him for money support, she really disgusts me. He is from another country outside of the US so at the time he was with her he was really clueless about how anything worked in the US, he told me he was young and stupid, he could've started building his credit and not waste his money on her, she used him to her benefit and basically helped her build credit, she always uses food stamps is what he told me. I know I'm kind of just rambling on about things he told me but this really is irritating me. She was obviously too young to have a child at 19 or 20 and wasn't even sure she really liked this guy, he wasn't ready to have a child also. He asked her if she could have an abortion and she didnt want to, so she put the guilt trip on him by telling him he could leave her and she will just be a single mother, but I believe if he really left she would've had the abortion. Fast forward to now their divorce is finalizing and my bf hasn't told me what happened yet but just said that she served him something and he has to go to court soon. He's been telling me that she has been trying to do bad things to him like getting him in trouble and maybe trying to kick him back to his country. She's tried to make false reports that he beat her. He loves his baby so much but he can't see him now until everything's done, he doesn't want his baby near her at all. I wish he never had gotten involved with her and is in such a mess, I really want to help him but don't know how or have the ability to do so. I want him to be healthy and happy and have positive thinking, he's really not a bad person and has a good heart. I guess I don't really have a question but just want anyone's thoughts about this situation.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
 “soon they are going to fight for custody”
Umm.. not a good sign… usually the custody battle is during the divorce. And in the USA the dad needs serious grounds to win custody.
“my bf told me so many things about her that he FEELS”
That’s the key OP, it’s his FEELINGS not the facts.
“she served him something and he has to go to court soon”
What did she serve him? I’m sorry but “something” is a bit ambiguous.
“He loves his baby so much but he can't see him now until everything's done,”
CROCK honey… a good attorney (which he clearly needs if he wants to see his kid) would get at bare minimum supervised visitation. A mother cannot hold a child hostage because she wants to. IF she alleges he’s unfit he can have supervised visitation with a court appointed supervisor. She can’t stop that.
Advise him to spend his money on a good attorney… and stay out of it… in some states she can name you as a respondent and drag you through the courts for alienation of affection even if they are separated. BE CAUTIOUS!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Honestly, I would take a giant step backwards til that mess is sorted out.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Dear OP, you are being told one side of the story here, his version, I am sure if you were to sit down and chat with his wife she would tell you a different angle of how things unfolded. My advice is listen to what he says but watch his ACTIONS for they reveal the truth about his character. Give him the support he needs as he goes through this tough period but do it without expecting that things will automatically be perfect after the divorce is finalized. Goodluck to you.
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