A
female
age
30-35,
*buki
writes:Ok, I met this guy about a year ago and he was really really into me. I didn't feel the same so we just became friends. He's had girlfriends since but I know he's always really liked me.A couple weeks ago I started to have feelings for him. We flirted at a friend's house and went out once or twice after that. It was nice, with lots of cuddling and kissing. But then he told me he was still with a girlfriend. They'd been fighting for a while though, and I assumed they'd break-up. He said he was confused because he didn't want to hurt her or me and he didn't want me to be a rebound, but it felt right with me. We decided to just be friends.A week later he broke up with her so we started going out straight away. It was great. Everytime we saw eachother we liked eachother more and more. Eventhough it was still early days I felt that it was going to be something serious and long lasting. Definitly potential for love :)But then, out of the blue he asked to talk. He said he was confused. He felt guilty going out with me because he felt he was still hurting his ex. Everytime we went out he felt he was constantly looking over his shoulder in case she saw us. He said he has feelings for both of us, and he needed time to think. Usually you would have a good bit of time to get over someone before you start going out with someone else. That made sense to me and I reluctantly agreed for us to stop seeing eachother so he could sort himself out. He said that his feelings for me wouldn’t change. I feel really stupid for not realising that he’d obviously need time after breaking-up with his ex.It's only been two days and I'm really missing him. The more I think about it the more paranoid I get that he'll never come back or he'll get back with his ex. I’m trying to just focus on college work but it’s affecting me more than I’d like. Do guys do that sort of thing to avoid properly breaking up with someone? Or do you think he’s genuine? Should I just forget about him? I’m finding it really difficult waiting because I don’t know for sure if he will come back, or how long he’ll be! He says his feelings won’t change. But I think they always can over time. :(I guess I'm just looking for people's opinions. And maybe a little reassurance. :)
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female
reader, Ibuki +, writes (18 September 2010):
Ibuki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers, I really appreciate them :) I feel good bit better now. It make sense that the best thing to do is forget about him, have fun, and if he comes back then deal with it then. However hard that may be.
Thanks again guys xx
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 September 2010):
Hi there. This guy really doesn't know what he wants - or who!
Although you like him, because of this uncertainty with him still having feelings for his ex, you and him are not really going to have a chance to really blossom into something great.
As much as it will hurt you, this break from each other is really important for both of you. It's giving each other some space for both of you to really have a serious think about everything.
You would like to be with him, that seems clear. The real problem is, he is still having all these doubts about his other girlfriend and whether he should still be with her. It's almost like you were a backup. The good part though, is he does seem to have a conscience, because he is considering your feelings and his ex's.
Rebound relationships are very rarely a good idea, and often don't end up going well. That was probably the problem, too soon after the breakup of the other relationship.
In the meantime, try and make your own life as interesting and exciting as it can be. Meet your friends regularly and go out, laugh, be happy and just enjoy life.
At the same time, try to not let it affect your studies. After all, college education is your future and that's really important.
When you start to feel a bit uptight and stressed out over all this, going for a nice long walk will do wonders. It's great exercise and very relaxing. Try walking for about 30 minutes, and make it a habit - every day if you can, would be great. And especially, whenever it all gets too much. Walking is a wonderful stress reliever, being outside in the fresh air and sunshine, mother nature - you will feel great.
Exercising like this is a great way to cope. It's good for the body, heart, lungs, skin, hair as well.
This is all going to take time. But as frustrating as it is to wait, you can't let life pass you by in the meantime. You deserve happiness too. You have to consider that.
If you are meant to be together, in time you will be. But it can't be forced to happen any sooner that it would naturally.
Don't let yourself by treated badly or taken for granted. And don't let yourself by two-timed, which is what he did. Although from what you have said, it doesn't seem to have been intentional. Mainly confusion on his part.
He does seem like a good man. However, he really does need this time (however long that is going to be), to really sort himself out and decide what he wants.
So while you are living your life, and being happy, you are also going to have to be very patient.
Also, during this break - don't try to contact him in any way. Make it a clean break, and see how it pans out over time.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, uran  +, writes (18 September 2010):
Usually man are really coward on handling break-ups especially at your younger age.
One thing I know for sure: being clingy, overly available is not the right way to play.
Try to stay focus on your things even if you think about him every second of the day, trust me, I know what you're going trough.
This is the way to be anytime something says is not sure of what it wants from you, but in this case there is another woman involved so I would protect myself more. It's also a matter of dignity.
Whlie is deciding if move over with you or not, try to have fun with others, live, and see, maybe you'll find someting better then him, or if he'll be lucky, he may win you :)
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