A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a female of 24 years old. I have 2 lovely childen by my ex boyfriend. Reason i broke it off with him was because he made another woman pregnant. It has been 2 yrs some months since we called it quitz. Now he has been aproaching me wanting us to try again and be together...well he talks marriage...he proposed to me about 3 weeks ago and i said i will get back to him. I just worry there might be heartaches with this other baby mama in future - like what if he later decides he want her again? Should i allow us anohter chance and work through things or should i get as far away from him as i can?
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female
reader, lillymay  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 i just want to say,whoever thinks its a good idea for people 2 stay 2gether 4 the kids sake is completely wrong.it can tear a family apart and no one is happy.if u r unhappy then so r your children.i can tell u it will not have a good effect on their lives.children r not stupid.its better the parents split and learn to get along and get it rite so the kids can have a happier and emotionally healthy life with both parents.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 Firstly, sorry that you have had all this emotional upset - it must have been very hard for you and the children. : (
On the one hand, yes, it would be much better for you to leave him behind and move on, because you're right, there will be a rough ride ahead with the other mother, the baby being born, his access to the child, etc. - not least to say that there is that risk that he will want to go back to her.
BUT, you have two children together. If this man is really regretful, and is prepared to promise to be with you and the children, and you can believe him, then for the family's sake I would give it a chance. You need to go into it with your eyes open: you would need to talk through EVERYTHING with him, and make him understand that this is effectively his only chance - if he behaves deceitfully and disrespectfully again, that is the end.
Ultimately, it's better for your two children if their father is at home, loving them and being with them, regardless of his relationship with you. That is the reality - I know it is hard, because it kind of reduces the importance of your happiness - but for your kids, that is the best. So if he is actually begging to come back, and you think there is a good chance you will be strong enough (together) to cope with the emotional challenges of the other mother/baby, then I think it is worth.
Basically, if he isn't with your kids, he will probably be with her and the baby. And if it was my kids, I would keep him in the house. He isn't abusive, you were v happy together - it sounds like it was a good thing.
Most people will tell you to never let him back, though, I imagine. I am divorced, and there is one thing my son has said that I think is the most important example of how children see things:
His daddy said he was going to live in France with his partner. My son said 'No, don't go'. We said 'But Daddy will be happy, because he'll be able to be with Maria.' Our son said (roughly translated): 'Daddy's happiness in his relationship is neither here nor there to me: I just want my daddy near to me. He should be here. He's my daddy before anything else.'
There's no doubt that it is better for children to wake up and see Daddy and be with him, and know he will be there at night, than it is for them to see Mummy and Daddy 'happy' but separate, and have no Daddy in the house.
That is, though, a controversial view, I'm sure, because it means making your own personal happiness secondary to that of your children! But I honestly believe it is true.
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A
female
reader, lillymay +, writes (19 March 2009):
hello thereto be honest with you,i would have to say no.the reason i would say no is cause its been some time since the breakup which means u have had time to get over him and he has had time to miss you and regret his actions.but even if he is regretful and sorry and wants you back,you have to consider how the relationship would turn out.will you trust him?probably not!will you always wonder if something is going on with the other woman?yes!you are very young sweeti and you have so much time to meet someone who deserves you,and will not put you trough this kind of heartache.i dont think it would work out im sorry to say as you would always be questioning him and wondering what he will be up to next.thats not a good way to lead your life,you would never be happy.also the fact that he now wants you back,take some comfort from that.it gives you some of the power back and should make you feel great that he now regrets his actions but dont give him the chance to make you unhappy again.good luck honey.be strong and think very carefully.please let me no the outcome.lillymay.x
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