A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a college student who has come from the UK to America, and I just don't know what to do romantically. I am rather shy, and anhedonic, so I have difficulty just relaxing and having fun with women. There is one girl I really like who's really fun-loving and excitable; but I just don't know how to do anything other than talk to her as a friend, and in kind of an upright way too. I really want to ask her out, but I don't know where to go, or how to ask, and even if I went on a date with her, I just don't have the flirting gene. I'm just incapable of anything other than quite serious conversations. British repression...I actually have very strong romantic feelings, but I have real difficulty talking in large groups of people I don't know, or making small talk. I generally have to form a very strong relationship with someone before I can relax with them, which is a problem here because I see this girl infrequently and with others.Is there any way to deal with my shyness and seriousness, or make them somehow useful here?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Followup:Thank you very much for the advice, from both people. I really appreciate the advice, and would like to beg some response to my further explanationI'll certainly try following both. I think the problem is that none of my female friends in America either walk in the same social circle as this girl, or are close enough to ask; I only have maybe two male friends, one of whom is a very old friend. I'd feel comfortable enough bringing this up with.As for a debating club - my particular problem is romantic repression and shyness. I'm actually very confident and friendly talking about serious topics, and in a couple of social discussion groups. I just can't do the flirting or non-serious talking.I kind of know her well enough that the accent is not intriguing any more, if it was. Again, thank you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): You are in another Country, your accent alone should be getting you plenty of tail.Women hear a guy speak in a foreign accent that is not usual to their own, and they go freaking crazy.Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 try asking another girl, that you know to help. tell her to tell this girl your are shy but have feelings for her and you want to break the ice.
long term, join a debating club, or some other club where you can gain confidence and slowly loose these traits.
"faint heart never won a fair lady"
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (26 October 2010):
Well I think you're so shy because of your confidence. Honestly, I'm not a big flirt and that's mainly because I don't want to put it out there or make someone uncomfortable by flirting with them if it isn't welcomed. But you have an advantage over the regular guys...us American girls like accents! So when you start talking to her, trust me, she'll probably be at least a little intrigued.
I think the best way to try and get over shyness and being on the introverted side is to practice. Practice on people that you won't care what they think about you. Start slow, just tell random people "hi" and don't forget to smile. Along the way you may make some new friends or even discover someone you didn't even think you'd like. Keep doing it until you become comfortable with it and start talking to people when you're more comfortable. Also, don't be afraid to go out by yourself for a movie, coffee, some lunch--whatever. You'll be surprised that there's also lots of people out by themselves. Don't be afraid, most people are nice--don't let the fear of not being accepted or rejected influence your choices. I know it's hard but we all get rejected or are not accepted.
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