A
male
age
30-35,
*eekndXO
writes:Hey guys, I have a few questions regarding my relationship. I would love to hear your opinions.I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years after a nasty argument because "she couldn't love me they way I want her to" - She studies a full time post grad course so she's always studying and doesn't have much time for a social life and is always stressed.We are in a long distance relationship which started off with us living close to each other. She only lives an hour away but I can't drive yet so it can be a bit difficult with her schedule. (currently learning to drive)We have just become friends again, we met yesterday and had a wonderful time which shows that we are actually great together. We talked about everything but the breakup. Had fun in the snow etc etc. We just recently become friends on facebook again so we can chat too.We ended the day saying that she knows I will always want more from this relationship but because she's in the middle of exams, she cannot commit to the relationship yet. In fact she said she's open for going on a date or an excursion once her exams are over (in a bit over 2 weeks.)She isn't seeing anyone, flirting with anyone because she's always been the introvert, old fashion type of girl. She works incredibly had in her course.I have hope in that this relationship can be much better than before and she is willing to get it a try once she has more free time after the exams.I guess what I'm asking for is...how do I cope with the constant need to contact her like before? I miss the good night texts, conversations and what we used to have before. Considering we had an amazing day together yesterday, what would be the best actions for me to take while I wait for her to finish her exams? How often should I contact her? Should I send her a valentines gift? as I always have as a boyfriend.Should I go see her for a day out sometime in between these 3 weeks?Any help would be great, my heart hurts knowing I can't be with her or have the same things as before but it's slowly feeling better knowing I can still trust her, talk to her, see her and that we are going to give it another try. I am just always in pain, wondering why she won't ever initiate contact.{Second question from same poster}We broke up 2 months ago after 3 years. It was a nasty argument, followed by a month or so of crying to her. We're friends again now and she is open to give the relationship another go after her exams.We barely speak to each other during the week because she's always studying and I don't want to distract her. I am always disappointed in her lack of effort in contact.She knows how I feel about her and she knows that I won't ever give up on her.She studies law (as I do) so I was thinking of writing a fake/funny contract on how our relationship would be if we gave it another try. I really want to convince her that I knew where we went wrong. I was also gonna add a CD of my favourite artist I've been telling her about.What do you guys think? If this is a bad idea, give me some nice ideas!
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female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 She said she would see you in 2 weeks after her exams. Get in touch with her about details, where, what time, etc.
In a way, it'll be a test to see if she holds true to her word.
A
male
reader, WeekndXO +, writes (9 February 2012):
WeekndXO is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the response guys. I texted her saying goodluck with your exams and a few other things but got no response? Still haven't had no real contact since the day we saw each other besides a short text.
How should I take that? Should I just give up contacting her all together?
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Flowers are always a great way to win a woman's heart. Definitely send her flowers and a card on Valentine's day.
Just a simple gesture like that will go a long ways.
And, when her exams are over, I can almost guarantee you that she will be paying you a visit.
I would advise you to not act needy. Also, this is a great time to keep your eyes open for a local girl to get your mind off of your ex. That way you won't have to spend as many long, lonely nights waiting and pining away for one that isn't giving you the love that you need in the first place.
There are times to step it up, and then there are times to simply walk away.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 I don't believe that a full time student is busier than full time working parents with children. Does that mean busy people do not love? Hell no. You are also studying law, so how come you can make the time, spend time thinking about the relationship, and she couldn't?
Maybe it's not what you did wrong or what she did wrong. Maybe you are not compatible.
You have to be more selfish here. Rather than thinking what you can do to make it better, think, what kind of girl would you like. Thinking about what I like, I would not want to be with someone who wants to break up, get back together then break up again. I want someone who has total faith and not dip in and out of a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (9 February 2012):
I am so happy to hear that there is a girl out there that is completely focused on her education. There aren't many girls out there like that. I think you've found a worthy catch. And something so worthy, such as this, is well worth the wait.
She said she would love to go out with you after her exams in two weeks. Take that as a great sign that she would love for this to work out as well, but you really need to respect the fact that she is putting her education first.
I think she gave you the green light, so I don't see the harm in sending her a valentines day gift. Nothing too mushy or boyfriend like, however. Maybe a card and candy. Or a single rose. But nothing fancy like a bouquet a roses, I feel like that crosses the boyfriend/girlfriend line that you both don't have at the moment, and that risks making her uncomfortable.
Since she did give you the green light, there's nothing wrong with shooting her a text here and there, but once again, nightly goodnight texts and things of that nature are crossing the line.
And girls have it in their head that it's always the guy that needs to start contact. It's the way we were taught, that the guy must always swoon over you, so don't let it get to you that she is never initiating contact.
Give her the space she needs while she's focusing on her studies. It sounds like she'll let you know when she's ready to commit, and I'm sure it's well worth the wait.
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