A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I recently broke up with a GF of 7 yrs, we had been faithful to each others over all those years, even when we had short breaks, and when we broke up 2 weeks ago, I feel relieved and just want to get on with my life. I feel that we had more good times than bad, and she said to me that we should stay as friends but I asked her not to contact me again. I know that in past we keep in contact and eventually get back together. I don't want that to happen again, I like her as a person but I don't love her anymore. I'm not seeing anyone at the moment and happy as a single person, am I a cold and selfish person ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): It's very hard to breakup after that long (7yrs), if you had broken up in the past and gotten back together and things didn't work out. I assume that you breakup with her and stay as friends but then got romantically involved, I guess the lesson is just say good bye, no contact and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): No your not cold or selfish. I don't remain friends with my exes, it's a better decision in the long run. It helps you to move on and build a life together, so many people try to stay friends with exes and it doesn't work out. Also when youo do meet someone new, it can cause a lot of insecurity, so much better to just break it off. You were honest with her, that is the best thing you can do.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Not cold and selfish at all. This is a healthy and reasonable decision. Far too many people who vow to remain friends end up blurring the lines. Best to have a clean break.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 You're doing the right thing, and you're not cold and selfish. Ending it means ending it, not this "up in the air" friends thing. You're clearing your mind and heart because you want to move on. She should do the same.
Like the other aunts have so wisely said, you're doing the both of you a favor.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 December 2011):
Not at all. This is honestly the best and kindest thing you can do in the long term. Yes, short term she will be hurt, but if you kept in contact she might assume that you'd come back to her.
I've never kept in contact with an ex, and I think for most people it's trouble to do so. The best thing you can do is say goodbye to her and cut contact. That way, you can move on and she can move on,.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 December 2011):
 I don't think you are being cold, you are being realistic. Cruel to be kind (like the song). Staying in contact when you don't want to get back together can be very difficult especially if one party still cares. I have made this mistake and its nearly impossible to move on when you are still in contact with an ex. There are just too many memories, and you can mistake the other's actions or words for what they are not. I truly believe no contact is best, at least until both of you have been able to move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): No you're not, you're being sensible and you're doing her and yourself a huge favour.
It's called the no contact rule OP and it's the best, most efficient and least emotionally taxing method to get over someone. It's essential. You're doing the right thing by both of you. In the distant future, give it a year or two when you are both completely over each other and have completely moved on then friendship may well be a possibility but right now you have to stick to your guns and do what's best and that is not having her in your life.
It makes the whole process a million times easier and you get to both move on from this position without much heart ache and bitterness. You know what would happen if you let this drag out, it will be one big, long painfest and neither of you really want that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): I don't think you are being cold or selfish at all. I firmly believe that it is not wise to stay in contact with exes as often one side hopes that they may be able to rekindle the affection that was once there. My husband keeps all his ex girlfriends as friends which I don't like very much and am very suspicious about why anyone would have the need to do this. I personally think a clean break is good and not to have any contact at all. It is very hard to begin with but after a while it does get easier. You can also get on with your life if there is no contact rather than the person being in the background and in your mind at times. A clean break and no contact makes it easier to move on and makes moving on happen much more quickly.
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