A
female
age
36-40,
*ickledpink
writes:Hi allSo I have a question that relates to FWB relationships. I asked on here over a month ago to help decode what was going on with this guy and whilst I knew deep down the answer, I guess I had hoped someone could prove me wrong.I've been sleeping with this guy for over two months now and its happening regularly sometimes three/four times a week. We have been doing more stuff outside the bedroom like dinner and movies and we talk every day and the talk has become more and more personal as opposed to shooting the breeze, but I feel deep down this is still about sex for him. My instinct tells me that he does like me and that he finds me attractive but my heart tells me we're on different pages. I realised a while back that I had started to want more out of this relationship - I call it pseudo boyfriend - everything but the actual commitment, although neither of us are involved or sleeping with anyone else. My question is, I know now that this is unlikely to change, I thought I'd give it sometime and see if anything develops further, and it hasn't. It's time to get out while I'm still standing and before I drag me and him through an emotional quagmire.I've broken up with boyfriends before, but as this isn't a boyfriend/girlfriend type scenario I'm not sure the best way to go about it. Am I best being straight up and saying I think I want more than this and see what he says, or avoid that all together and just simply say we can't continue. I guess I have the smallest glimmer of hope saying that if I put my cards on the table he'll see what he is missing and come hopelessly running to sweep me off my feet. I said "Smallest Glimmer" lol. Truth be told, I'm not even sure we're long term relationship compatible, I'm not in love with him, but I would like to see if there is anything else between us. It might be that there isn't and I'm willing to accept that risk.I'll miss what we do have, the sex is unbelievable and I know he feels exactly the same about that. But no amount of great sex is worth losing self-respect over.Any advice greatly received,Thanksxx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Yes, tell him first you need to talk to him. Gives him time to prepare himself. You may also need to give him time to think whether he wants a proper relationship with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Explain to him that your time together has been wonderful, but you are afraid you are becoming too emotionally attached. Explain that you are looking for more than a FWB relationship, and if he is not, then it would be best if the sexual aspects of your relationship are put on hold. Tell him that your enduring friendship is extremely important to you.
If he feels like your relationship has progressed beyond FWB, he will speak up. If he is afraid of being in a true relationship, he will speak up and probably agree with omitting sex from the relationship. I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, tickledpink +, writes (24 June 2011):
tickledpink is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that, I guess being straight up is the way to go. My only worry is that I tend to get a bit verbally incontinent once I start opening up. I trust him enough to know he would be totally honest with me - he's that kind of guy.
I think now I've made the decision to do it, I just need to do it because its starting to eat me up inside. Last time he was here I had to go sleep on the sofa for a few hours because my brain was screaming at me to say something.
It's best to do it in person right? Should I give him a warning shot before we meet - say that there's something I want to talk to him about, or just wait till I see him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): You seem to be looking for ways to jolt him into realizing he wants you as his girlfriend and honey, it just isn't going to happen..not after you gave yourself over to him as a FWB. Relationships and feelings for someone don't form over talking about it in a direct fashion, they develop naturally and had he any inkling of excitement about you, he would naturally be pushing for more...wanting more time with you, wanting more closeness, and more commitment.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 I would be straight with him. What's the worst that could happen?
Maybe he will realize that this is something he'd like to explore and ask for something more, and maybe he'll say "thanks, it was fun" and that'll be that.
The one thing i would do, when you lay this down to him, is just ask him to be completely honest with you. I would tell him you're at a crossroads, and that if he's not interested in anything beyond sex then please tell you now, cause this is really the point of no return for you, emotionally.
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