A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi please can you all help me, as much as avice as poss. im a lesbian but a virgin and im scared of having anything inside me but my girlfriend wants us to use sex toys. she does know how scared i am but this is something shes happy to wait until im ready but does still go on about how much she needs to make love to me in this way and i get the feeling if i dont over time she may end the relationship so i need to get used to sex toys or even if i could let her go inside me using a finger but im real scared and unsure why. if i do let her make love with sex toys or her finger going inside me would this hurt or make me bleed like it would if u had sex with a man for the first time. much advice as poss plz or anyone else with sex phobia problem? my past g.friends didnt mind but this one wants to make love with toys but go inside me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): in reply to you all, thanks very much for advice. i will get countselling hopefully one day its hard fitting things in like that with work and the fact i live with family and wouldnt want them 2know my private life. no i dont use tampons 2the person who asked me but all good advice and i will see what 2do from here.THANKS XX
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Your partner needs to be very understanding.
She might want to read this, you might as well.
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (24 June 2011):
 As you are from the UK, most health care matters are free. Firstly, see your GP and have a frank discussion about this - he/she has seen and heard it all before so there is no need to be reticent about discussing it.
Then, if necessary, you will be referred to a counsellor for more discussions or treatment, or even a gynecologist if it is felt desirable.
More important than all that is for you to have a full and open discussion with your partner, and take physical things slowly and gently with lots of lube: small steps at a time...
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (24 June 2011):
Hi OP
Thanks for your follow-up.
It seems to me that the fact you do not know why you are scared seems in itself a good reason to get counselling. There must be some reason, even if you do not know what it is. If you could get to the bottom of that then I would think that would help you greatly.
As for pain from toys/fingers, the only reason I would imagine it hurting is 1) potentially if you have not yet broken your hymen, which of course you may well have done already or 2) if the toys are too big or she uses too many fingers, and you are stressed and not aroused, both of which things I'm sure you have already thought of yourself. There is no anatomical reason for it to hurt per se as far as I can see, and beyond breaking the hymen I don't understand why you think they should make you bleed. Do you use tampons? Or ever try inserting your own fingers? No-one here can tell you categorically if it would hurt you or not. I would suggest buying yourself some sort of toy perhaps, and experimenting on yourself with it, and with your fingers. Then you can try and experience what these things feel like, but entirely under your own control, which might take away some of the fear maybe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): This level of a phobia suggests that you have some sort of past trauma in this area and associate penetration with pain. I am not a lesbian, but I am a girl and I have straight and lesbian friends, who all enjoy penetration. It can be an extremely pleasurable experience and it is intense and intimate.
Maybe discussing this with a therapist or sexologist might help more then we can!
As for the pain and bleeding, if you have an intact hymen then yes you may bleed and it may be painful but the pain is tolerable if you are excited and aroused.
Its really not something to worry about too much, and if you are in your twenties it is likely that you have broken it at the gym, riding a bicycle or playing sports! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): I'm the OP - in reply to your answer. nothing has happen to me before and I'm unsure why im scared. counsellors cost money and i wanted to know if sex toys would hurt or make me bleed.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 June 2011):
Have you thought about getting some counselling? It seems there is most likely some kind of issue that you've not dealt with from your past.
Take a look at this: http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html you can find help and support.
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