A
male
age
36-40,
*needpeace
writes:Hello, This is a very complicated story but I will try to make it as clear as possible. I am 23 years old and I am in the world of theater and entertainment, a great but also very difficult, risky business. I come from a very broken family and therefore I can currently describe myself as a very confused young man. I still need to discover for myself what I want to do, and what kind of relationships I want to have. Having said that, I recently ended a 1 year relationship with a 30 year old woman. We meet working together and there was instant chemistry between us. I knew I wanted her. I didn't have any ideas of long term relationships, family etc. (I'm 23) I just wanted her. She felt it too and after about a month of working together "things" happened and we started a very turbulent affair. I felt super attracted to her and things were great in the bedroom. But she gave this to me at a very high price. Before I even knew her to well, should would constantly question my interest and my love for her. She made me feel that if I didn't confess my love to her or my intention to settle down with her (after about a month) that I was a fake, an asshole and not worthy of her. This put me into a very pressured, irrational state of mind. She would often ask me if I love, but it felt like an interrogation at court. I told her I couldn't answer because first of all it was too soon and second of all, no one wants to confess their love while being interrogated about it. I wanted to tell he myself but she could never hold out that long. To make things worse, she is a foreigner and had to leave the country after 4 months. We continued a long term relationship and I visited her and she me. We saw each other every two months. But things got worse and worse. I don't know what kind of a fool I am but I do feel a really strong connection to her. I can't bare to see her cry or to be sad, but she was always crying, saying that I don't love her enough don't call her, write her enough. She was always accusing me of being distant, when in fact I was just trying to work a lot, survive money wise. Anyways she managed to always make me feel guilty and this got worse and worse until finally I broke it off about a month ago. It was very painful. I tried to explain to her that I love her but I can't be the man she wants me to be. I'm 23, I can't be a husband a father, etc. I don't have money, no career, and I need at least another 5-6 years to figure all that out and in the meantime she would just suffer. So I though it for the best that she should find a man that is ready for her and that can take care of her and have children (which she really wants, and that scare the crap out of me right now). I felt really guilty because I care a lot for her and she is a drama queen. She made me feel like I killed her, like she would never love again, like I was the greatest dissapointment of her life. After a few weeks I finally started to get back to myself, hoping and pleading that she is better off and that maybe she would soon find the man that is right for her. Now she has contacted me again, saying that she is not happy and she needs me to write to her about my feelings and emotions. Frankly I can't, I'm really busy right now and I don't want to start the whole break up process again. She is trying to get me back. I miss her a lot but I know we will just end up poisoning ourselves again if we get back together (longdistance!) So, to conclude she has told me in one last text message, that she can't imagine a world without me and she loves me and misses me to death and that I need to write to her that I don't love her and never did and don't care about her and then, will she finally leave me alone. I feel so confused. I did love her, I do care for her. Why does she want me to hurt her, be mean to her. Why does she want to break up again? Wasn't it painful enough the first time? Does she want me to be the bastard so she can feel better about herself? I love her, I always felt so connected to her, but in the real world we are too incompatible, bad astrology match, age difference, language barrier, and constant suspicion, guilt and arguments. It is better this way, for both of us. Why can't she see that? She is 30 but didn't she just dump me? I'm sorry for this long story. I don't really have a specific question. I'm just really confused, sad. I can't focus on my work, and things are getting tough. I feel lost. I feel scared of love now. I feel guilty that I loved. I feel like if I ever love someone again, I will get back into this mess. I don't know what I want yet, I need time to learn myself. Why doesn't she understand?
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affair, get back together, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 sounds to me like she is abit unstable and has probably been let down and hurt alot by men and she just craves attention and affection shes not looking at it from your point of view she just sees it like she hasnt got long to find someone and settle down as a family she might want you to write to her to see if you really care in hope of getting back together or she might just want you to write to get some closure.your only young and shouldnt have to deal with this and seems like she is doing everything in her power to try and stay attached to you.i no it might be hard and you still care for her but i think you should concentrate on whats best for you and move on with your life concentrate on your work and cut all contact with this women no matter how much she calls,writes etc dont reply shel soon get the hint and move on the longer you consider her feelings and write to her and stuff the more shel be persistant in staying in contact with you.
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