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writes: I know people always say, "time's a healer" and "you made the right choice", but after I left my partner of 3 1/2years, 1 month ago, I still feel as if it was the worst decision I ever made. I left him because he would never make me a priority. His football, friends, booze and occasional gambling was always put ahead of me and although he promised the world he always let me down. I only ever asked him to see me for 1 full day a week and this usually led to arguments of me being possessive, was I? One day a week seems minimal to me.I thought I could live on remembering our good times, but when my dad recently had a stroke and I expected him to be there, he wasn't. He just called me selfish and demanding for wanting some support, which was the penultimate reason for the split.I just feel so empty, sad and lonely. I gave him everything and although I know it was the right choice I can't help having "what if" thoughts. Does this get easier? Did I make the right choice? I just don't know how to move on anymore and my friends have all moved on. How do you start your life again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2005): Hello - let me start by saying I know exactly how you feel. My ex b/f wanted to spend time with his friends - and saw me for three hours a week - and I could tell that he was forcing himself to spend that time with me. It was hurting me so bad because i knew deep down that i wasn't his priority. He's 28 and suddenly wanted to be a teenager again (started hanging around younger people). Anyways, we've been broken up for about two months now - and what keeps me going is me knowing that one day i'm going to find someone who is so excited to spend time with me and will appreciate me. And i know the same thing will happen to you. You will find someone who appreciates you and what you offer - not someone who you have to beg to spend time with you. I promise things will get better. Like the other answers to you say - could you imagine you got married to this guy and you're stuck at home caring for your kids while he's out having a good time with all his friends?
Right now - either join a gym, or join a class somewhere - you will meet new people - and start going out as much as possible - have fun because you're only single for a short time in life so enjoy!!!!
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
one day a week seeing each other after 3 1/2 years is NOT too much!
One month is not a long time, it will probably take a few months before you feel any better about this.
Just remember, HE was the one in the wrong.
Go out with friends, enjoy yourself and you will find someone who DOES want to spend time with you
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (7 August 2005):
Of course you are hurting. Break ups rip you apart, you are facing a new life without a constant that you have become accustomed to. Not only are you mourning the loss of a loved one in your life, but you are also adjusting to a new status as a single person. Your confidence and self esteem may be suffering too. You may question the whole integrity of the relationship.
Three and a half years is a long time to be involved in a close relationship with another person. Over that period of time, despite any troubles you have you developed an attachment to that other person, and severing the relationship between you will be awfully painful. Be fair on yourself, it will probably take longer than a month for you to start feeling better again.
If you had stayed in the relationship, it would have eventually eroded away at you. Your frustrations at living a half life would become apparent, and would have ended up with you feeling bitter about life, love and relationships in general. Sadly he sounds like a typical "lad" whose priority isn't settling down and finding a meaingful relationship, but going to the pub with his mates. Imagine five years down the line when he leaves you alone with the kids most nights because he's in the pub. No woman wants that!
Whilst you are hurting after the break up, seek the support of friends and family. Obviously there are times when you want to be alone, but if you have a good relationship with your loved ones you can draw on their support to aid you through this difficult period.
As far as starting over, you have many options. If your friends are all settled down, then the answer is clear- find some new friends to socialise with. Look in the local papers for new clubs to join, or consider joining an evening class. Hopefully this will help to take your mind off your ex and help you to move forward with your life.
All the best for the future x
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female
reader, bigsister +, writes (7 August 2005):
You feel bad because you've been treated badly. And we don't like to admit we used bad judgement. I know I don't.
It makes me sad to see you've written all your friends have moved on. Make an extra effort to reconnect and to connect with others who may become new friends.
In time, you will probably meet a guy who is deserving of your love. Let the past go with this guy, he is definitely part of your life history, but in time he will become a more and more faded memory.
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (7 August 2005):
 Sad to say sweetie...I think you made a right choice. And I can identify with how much this hurts for you. As for if it gets easier....somedays it may seem so and somedays....not. But you don't worry...as cliche as it sounds...time helps a little...YOu deserve so much more than what he gave you. If at a time like your dad's situation, he called you selfish and did not support you after 3 plus years...he is not going to do it if you guys get married and the kids are acting up..look ahead hun.
You will start life again I promise...it will just take some time..I know that does not help you right now but it is true. He will wake up one day and realise he just lost one of God's princesses....take care...ana
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