A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has told me that she thinks there will come a time when she wants to sleep with another guy just randomly. She said she doesn't know when. She said that she now considered us to be only slightly more than friends but wants to still be 'with me'im not sure how to deal with this. the sensible thing to do is walk away. ive not been with her long maybe 6 months but im not sure i can be strong enough to end it. we live in the same town and i will always see her even if i try to avoid her. i think maybe i could wait unitl 'it' happens and then deal with it but maybe that would destroy me then and in the mean time im waiting for it to happen.what should i do? it would be easier if i wasnt going to run into her a lot. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): thankyou all for your comments. its good to read. i know i need to strengthen up and be more of a man about it. easy to say though!
but thankyou all again. it really helps to read peoples advice even if it is tough.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): When you say that you are 'not sure' that you are strong enough to deal with it, this reveals a lot of what is central to the situation.My guess is that your uncertainty actually stems from a lack of self esteem. And it is precisely this uncertainty/lack of self esteem that your 'girlfriend' senses and is playing into - either consciously or not, she senses that there is a weakness there and this is bringing out her own 'indecision'. Until you overcome this uncertainty - and there will be lots of other small ways that this presents itself in your life, not only with your girlfriend - then things like this will keep happening. I'd say end the 'relationship', but see this really as a symbolic start to a bigger process for you personally, in which you start to understand yourself more and see why you are prone to indecision about what YOU want and what YOU need, rather than what you feel obliged to give to others. It really is only by knowing what you want that you can clearly send out signals to others and, in return, get clearer responses back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): You are being weak. Grow a back bone and take charge of your life rather than leaving it all in the hands of a self professed unreliable woman.She has done nothing wrong because she has been totally clear and honest upfront. She is telling you her terms for this relationship. if you don't like it why would you continue? You know how its going to play out. You have been warned.You will at least have your dignity intact if you end it now since it will be on your terms. Wait until she inevitably sleeps with another man and you will either be the cuckhold or the pansy who still stays with a girlfriend who blatantly cheats on him.Besides she is telling you loud and clear she does not consider you her boyfriend. She only considers you as friend with benefits. This is not a real relationship to her, just an arrangement.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): you never know what games a girl is up to!
people don't usually "announce" that they are going to have sex with someone else. maybe she is testing your jealousy. maybe she wants to know your opinion about swinging. who knows.
it's a game. make your move and wait for her turn.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (31 October 2012):
 How weird. Either she's playing some weird game... in which case walk. Or she really is serious... in which case walk.
If I were in your situation, and I know this is easy for me to say, but I don't think my self respect would allow me to do anything other than walk. She's basically told you that she's not really attracted to you or into you sexually, she just wants you for boyfriendy things. And she expects you to be the good little puppy dog and stay loyal when she's off having sex with other guys? Why are you not outraged by that?
I think it would be easier in the long run to walk away now. If you do see her from time to time just acknowlege her and move on, don't stop and talk to her.
Every day that you're with her is a day you've wasted that you could be looking for someone else... someone who actually is attracted to you and appreciates you.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (31 October 2012):
You are way better off in the long and short run if you leave her. Someone who wants to be with you shouldn't say complete garbage like that. There isn't a shred of decency in that statement, no respect and no sense of remorse. It might pain you for a while but you didn't do anything wrong and a small bit of pain of worth a lifetime of happiness.
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