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How can I get out of this confused mess that's happened since I split up with my ex?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2012)
A female Australia age 36-40, anonymous writes:

im in a right mess split up with my ex.

A few months back we occasionally slept together i recently found out he was dating this girl.

I felt really hurt as he had slept with me two days before i found out.

I went mad and messaged her to tell her what had happened. We didn't speak for a week had a horrible text off him in the mean time

I hooked up with an ex Bf from before ex and things were going ok

we slept together a few times but it fizzled out

ex came to get our two kids he was overly flirty we ended up sleeping together this time

It was a lot different it was as if he wanted me! even though hes supposed to like this girl i said to him its not me thats going to get hurt, obviously i still want him he didnt like it when he found out about ex b

now im confused its all one big mess

View related questions: flirt, my ex, split up, text

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A female reader, Basschick Australia +, writes (2 November 2012):

Basschick agony auntOf course you are in a confusing mess, you are using sex to replace the missing intimacy you are really craving from someone. I think you also use sex to rebound from hurt feelings. In a way, it would appear that sex is your "comfort food" in times when you feel beaten down, or depressed. You tend to turn to the first guy that comes along and gives you a little attention. Make no mistake, sex and love are two different things. One will not lead to the other in either direction. You want to be loved but you haven't figured out how to work through problems when they come up (and they always will) so that your relationship doesn't suffer a complete meltdown just because you had an argument or disagreed. In turn when it doesn't go well, you seek out or fall into the next guy's arms that comes along. This is a pattern with you and not a healthy one, might I add. You need to learn how to deal with conflict and rejection in healthy ways and reserve sex for the man who loves and treats you with respect. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012):

hi,

You need to unravel it all and get your head straight.

Stay away from both men and think about what it is you want and what direction your life is going in for you and your children.

More than likley he will still be seeing others. He is not your ex for no reason. Step back and think before acting. Sounds like you need time alone.

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