A
female
age
26-29,
*lwaysHereToHelp!
writes:Hey :) i could use some advice ? well this is going to sound crazy but me and my some of my family have strong suspicsions that my uncle might be menatally abusing my cousin and brainwashing my aunt. Well it starts like this My aunt ill call her Julie is now married and has a son with my now uncle ill call him Billy. Well first of all he hasnt got a very good track record hes quite abit older than my aunt and has been married twice already, he has 3 kids. Stacey who is now 12 (with his first wife) Jack who is now 5 ( with his second wife) and Luke who is now 2 (with my aunt. (Fake names). Well his daughter has unfortunelty been diagnosed with a mental disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder. She has it because from a very young age her mum abused her includeing not feeding her and she didnt go to school or have any clothes. And because of that She trys to latch on to female memebers almost trying to find a replacement mother if that makes sense ? Well i always have thought that Billy didnt treat his daughter very well he would say mean things to her, and he always favrioutised his first son Jack. Jack is out of control he is so hyper its unbelivable and he never does as hes told and doesnt get punished. Well there was an inciddent about 3 months ago where my mum had been looking after Stacey and she had been a complete nightmare. So when her dad got home my mum told him and he went upstairs and screamed the house down and my auntie rushed upstairs. Well the next day Stacey told my mum that Billy had pinneed her up against the wall and was going to hit her and my aunt had seen it. Well my mum consulted Billy and Julie about this but they denied it and said she was lying as she is also a compulsive liar. But a few days ago my mum and Stacey had a kinda heart to heart and well Stacey just poured it all out she said she was telling the truth and how her dad makes her cry by calling her stuff and always calling her useless and never doing anything for her and bascially treating her like shit ! I beleive her now because some of the things i have witnessed myself how he is horrible to her and never appreciates her or spends time with her. Even my auntie has hinted about it on small occassions. But you see he is getting worse he doesnt like our family and is trying to scare us away so he can have my aunt all to himself. Hes sucecced scaring away my grandma and hes been trying with my mum too, my mum is disturbed by the smell of smoke and hes been putting paper in the lamps so it burns ! I have no idea what to do !! my auntie doesnt see sense anymore shes so wrapped up in love she can't see the game hes playing. And to think she lied when he pinned his own daughter up against the wall. What do you think i should do how should we deal with this ? we can't get social services involved because there pretty useless around here and most likely they will put Stacey back with her mum. Please help how should we deal with this ?
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female
reader, AlwaysHereToHelp! +, writes (21 July 2011):
AlwaysHereToHelp! is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ahh thankyou, you have been very helpful. But you see my mum goes to look after their son about twice a week to help my aunt when she's at work so they do have their own house.We can never catch him doing these things and you see because of my cousins mental problems he can turn it right around and say it was her. We do also suspect that he may have a cam monitoring us in his house, also because my mum years and years ago used to be an alcoholic he has marked bottles in his house to measure to see if we have taken any. The pure insinuation that my mum would be drinking while looking after their 2 year old son i believe is just terrible as even in her worse days she never would do something like that. our doors are always open to my aunt but we believe he is stopping her from going out in attempt to cut off are family as because we are a family of just women it kinda makes us abit more vunerable.We are having my cousin around for a week though to give her a break as after all she is going through at the moment she really does deserve it but thankyou so much for your advice ;) x
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Well, I'm not too clear on all this legal stuff - I'll leave that for another aunt or uncle. But it seems to me that the best you can do is give Stacey, Luke and your aunt a safe place to be. You can always be open to listen to them and to take Stacey in when she's feeling scared. Having a friend like you and solid family will be something she cherishes forever. Always keep your house a safe-zone. If your uncle comes around screaming and getting violent in your house, you have every right to call the police and do something about it.
If you see him putting paper on the lamps, you or your parents should say something about it - 'My mother is allergic to the smell of smoke, so we'd appreciate you not putting paper on the lamps". Always be polite and cordial, so that he has less of an arsenal of grievances against your family when he's trying to corrupt your aunt. Don't let your family get scared, that is what he wants. Be a pillar of strength with doors open to Stacey, Julie and Luke.
I also wouldn't have an intervention or anything with your aunt. Insulting her husband - even if it's completely true - may put her on the defense, push her away from you and to her husband. You can be there for her and be concerned without pushing her to that point.
Good luck to you and your family! I hope I gave you a few ideas.
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