A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months. We live about a 9 hour drive apart from each other. When we met, he was on leave from his job and was in search of new employment. He had money saved so he was able to come see me and stay with me for long periods of time. Now that he has been unable to find a job, money is low and he cannot afford to come see me. I have a job but I have not gone to see him because I don't want to go to his home and have make him feel like he has to be spend money on me to entertain me. So, now he is unhappy and depressed because of his lack of employment. He hardly answers my calls (blames it on his bad cell reception) sometimes it takes hours for him to reply to my texts. He will sleep all day while I am at work. This has caused strain for me since we used to talk for hours every night and video chat about 1-2 times a week. Now, it's more like once a month. He says he loves me and wants to be with me,he just needs good employment to feel better about himself and life. He wanted me to move to be with him once he started working but recently he mentioned that he was thinking about moving in with his friend early next year. I have told him that communication is important to me and I need for him to answer my calls and text. He gets better for a day, then it turns bad again. Should I wait it out until he gets a job or is the relationship dead?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 September 2011):
Hi there. When you said he was "on leave from his job", I assumed that to mean that he was on paid leave - vacation - so he still had his job. Is that right?
And, while on vacation, he was also looking for another job.
So, did he not go back after his vacation ended? Or, did he then call his employer, and quit over the phone? Is that what you are saying?
I'm just trying to get it clear in my mind.
In any case, he is unemployed now, and is having trouble finding another job.
Consequently, it's not helping his general demeanour, because he's become disillusioned with trying to find more work, is running out of money, and is probably getting rather bored as well.
And with boredom, often comes depression. Hence, spending long hours in bed sleeping - to pass the time.
It seems that at the moment, the job situation probably won't change for a while yet, as the world economy is still not very healthy by any means. So this is a fact that has to be accepted by him, as uncontrollable.
Nine hours is a very long drive, and it couldn't be done very often. The cost of petrol would prohibit it happening, unless it was to spend a couple of weeks together. What about flying, is that a possibility? Or the airfairs aren't cheap?
If he doesn't want to keep in contact as often as you'd like, well then there's very little you can do about that really.
Perhaps leave initiating contact up to him. Do you think he would contact you first? Or, do you think if you left it up to him, that it wouldn't happen at all? I think I know what you might say here.
In any case, it sounds like he needs a little space right now, to sort out how he's going to make his life better while he's still looking for work. Because, at the moment he has to make some decisions about his life, and it's only him who can do that. Not you, or anyone else.
The responsibility for his life, is in his hands. You can't do this for him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): Why not send him some money for gas n all if u want him to visit u. Otherwise visit him. You can't complain if you're not doing all u can. Sorry.
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