A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there,I'm having an issue with my Boyfriend that he is not yet aware of, and I don't know how to bring it up.We have been together for two and a half years, and I love him more than anything. We are in an LDR and see each other fairly often.During the first year, he was seemingly laid back and relaxed about everything. I am an extremely laid back person, and have a very difficult time tolerating short-tempered people. Over the past year, I started to notice he was having mood swings. This escalated to the point where his moods are now so unpredictable that I can almost expect him to go dark on me at least once every time I see him. Note that these mood swings he has are nearly never directed at me, but other things. But I worry that they might be in the future if he gets worse.I have a problem where sometimes I can't identify or sort out my emotions, but all I can tell is that a year ago, I wanted to be with with him forever. Now, I just can't tell anymore...The extra layer of complication is that we have an extremely specific and intense interest that gives us an very special bond.I know that I have an extremely low tolerance for short tempered people, and I can't tell whether I need to let him go, or stay with him and look past it, knowing that I will never find someone like him again?What would you do?Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): Tell him to take a midol. I swear women are not the only ones who sometimes get mood swings. There is a difference b/w being short tempered fueled by rage- saying and treating people disrespectful and just having a bad day. Tell him he has an issue- and that he needs to do something about it because other than that he a good person but he bad side is making him look ugly. Recommend him to see a therapist.
Your not his rag doll where he can just drag you and swing you around.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 December 2012):
 When do you plan to close the gap? You have been together 2.5 years that’s enough time for one of you to have moved to be with the other.
Have you asked him if his mood swings are recent? Maybe he just hid them from you the first year you were together. Is he aware of them even? To be honest if he blows up every time you are together then he’s no longer unpredictable, you can predict that he’s going to blow up.
You do not stay with someone (especially at your age) thinking you will never find someone like him again… that’s a bogus reason for staying.
My hubby and I were LDR for the first year we were together but we saw each other every weekend… even with that I can tell you that once we were living together that the ability to accept the moods and the anger need to be in place. Once a person is relaxed enough to truly be themselves then the partner sees the temper tantrums that they might not have when the person was on their best behavior.
Me personally, I have a very high tolerance for tempers, having one myself… if you do not have a tolerance for it and he can’t give you a reasonable explanation then you may need to consider ending the relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): I have to disagree with the poster who says you need to work out why he is getting angry to avoid it happening again. In my opinion, unless you are having a major argument every time you see him, something which might cause a bad mood in someone, then you should not have to walk on eggshells and tiptoe around him incase he goes in a huff.That is not how a relationship should be at all. I think you should maybe gently speak to him about it, ask him if something is bothering him and say you are worried because he has changed a lot and you feel this change is affecting your relationship, and see what happens. Maybe encourage him to get some outside help too. At least that way you are giving him a chance to fix it, but if he doesn't and won't get further help then I don't think you have a choice but to break off this relationship.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 December 2012):
Hi there. Prior to one of these temper tantrums, were you discussing anything with him?
What I am saying here, is there must have been some trigger, to make him get angry in the first place.
For instance, he didn't just walk through the door to your house, and just erupt into angry behaviour, without first having had a conversation with you about something, before that point.
What has been the circumstances when he tends to erupt in anger?
What was happening and what were you talking about up until that point?
So what I am really saying here, is that he is obviously angry over something.
Is it something you said to him at that time?
People don't just get angry over NOTHING at all.
There is always a reason for it.
Do you find that it always seems to be, that he gets angry whenever you talk about a certain thing?
Are there some things you talk about, that always gets him angry?
Like for instance, have you ever discussed with him about the future?
Like marriage, or where is this relationship going?
If you can have a think about what exactly, the circumstances are whenever he gets angry, well then it might provide some clues as to what is going on in his life.
Once you know what makes him angry, then you can then take steps to do things differently.
When you think over past times of his angry outbursts, you will probably start to see a pattern forming, and it will have some consistency in its frequency.
Perhaps it's something as simple as you saying something to him, and he takes it the wrong way.
And then he gets upset and angry with you.
The sooner you can work out what is really happening here, well then you can find a way so it never happens again.
It might be a case of unclear communication between you.
And if you can't honestly see anything that could be a cause of his angry outbursts, well then you really need to sit down with him and have a chat about your concerns, and ask him what makes him angry.
You just need to get it all out in the open.
And the sooner, the better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): He is probably depressed. Encourage him to see a doctor.
My boyfriend got really emotional suddenly, out of nowhere, and I couldnt figure out why. He was usually a really reserved, quiet person. He also got really 'dark' about things. It was really random and I didnt understand why he was like that.
It turned out he was depressed and the mood swings were part of it.
Your boyfriend probably is too.
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