A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do I always enjoy attention from men I can't have? I am a single good looking girl (I'm not trying to be vain but just to paint a picture) and unfortunately I have not had luck in finding a loyal honest man- I have honest though that at work I always get attention from married men and it gets me excited- I want to preference this that i would never do anybtinf with any men that is taken but I enjoy it- I constantly dress up for work to impress men - and I chase attention- I haven't dated in two years since my last horrible relationship because online doesn't work for me and at work there is only men that are married- does anyone have any idea why I seek such validation? I can tell u this that my last two and only relationships both men didn't appreciate me - never really paid attention to me
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (7 August 2017):
I think you need to work with a therapist to find the causes of that need you have for attention.Read more on this personality disorder, and see if you identify with it: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorderIf you depend 100% on the attention of the other people in order to be happy, I think it's going to lead you to a very unhappy life. What would happen when your beauty is gone and you no longer get the attention of men? You need to develop your inner self in order not to depend on that attention. Famous artists get the attention of everybody all of the time, but at the end of the day, many of them are lonely and miserable when their fame fades or they go bankrupt.A therapist will help you stop needing the attention of men that badly, since normal people don't like getting attention that much generally. Also, if your past relationships may have failed not because those guys didn't gave you attention, but because you didn't have ENOUGH attention for your demands. When you no longer depend on the attention of men, you'll be ready to enter a real and meaningful relationship with men that do care about you and do appreciate you. Best luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): Your workplace is where you earn your bill and rent money. It's not your dating pool. Keep it professional. Stop showing-off. Wives will catch-on at office events. I hope you show-off your brains just as much!
Shallowness and vanity seeks attention above all other things. Beauty fades with time; so your personality will have to compensate. By necessity, not by choice.
Men are visual-creatures. Being checked-out by men requires little of you, and their admiration simply feeds your ego.
It leaves you an empty soul. You're more complex than that.
You have little awareness of your self-worth, and you place too much value on appearance. You've set the same criteria for men. You're attracted to their looks. Being a vision of beauty gains popularity; but it's one-dimensional.
For you to take notice, men have to look good; or show attraction to your fashionable appearance. Thus you haven't found anyone who likes you for who you are. That's hard to do. If I had to judge by your post, you're still struggling with who you are. You define yourself by how much attention you get, and how pretty men think you are. Your ex must have attacked your self-esteem; now you're on a crazy mission to rebuild it. You've got to prove him wrong. Especially if he left you for someone you considered prettier than you.
If personality was your priority, you'd present that as your most outstanding attribute. Instead, you've chosen your looks. Oh, there is a backstory to that! So that's your date-bait, and that's all men are allowed to receive of you.
The attention is the only kind of positive-reinforcement you know. If you're like that now; that was your vehicle to popularity with the boys when you were in your teens through your college years. You think men only see that in you. Of course, if that's all you offer. You totally work your assets; but add some personality, and dare to see how things might improve.
Don't be scared, let down your defenses. A few bad experiences shouldn't establish that's the way things will always go. You've got to stay positive. There's more to you than a shell. You have much deeper needs, sweetheart. Look but don't touch. All facade, no depth. Seriously?!!
It's good to feed the ego and boost the self-esteem; but if you know no other way to connect with men, I guess that's where your problem lies. If you come off as superficial, that's the way you'll be judged.
As Denizen says, men aren't as stupid as you might think we are. If a woman shows little substance to her character, and flaunts her looks. We know there is very little else beneath the surface. She's either narcissistic, or she's all looks and no personality. So they offer you little more than attention. If that's all you can get, I guess that's what you're settling for.
You're afraid to go deeper, because you're a lady who got burnt while being in-love. You don't trust the person you are inside, you don't think your feelings matter? Just because of a few bad experiences with men, you've given-in to your cynicism. You view men as beasts only after one thing, but what else do you really have to offer? One guy completely drained you of your soul??? Beat you down?!!!
Enjoy the attention. You've got to come out of that shell, sooner or later. All men are not alike.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2017):
 Why do you do it?
Because you think it's a "safe" way to get attention. After all, they are married so shouldn't be interested. I totally agree with the anon.
At some point, it will not be enough and you will either cross a line or (hopefully) try dating again.
Honestly though? Being an attention seeker at work can give you a reputation with other coworkers and that may not be what you want. I presume you like recognition for your work rather than your body?
Not all men date a woman for her looks. Some want substance. And not all men are going to be like the ones you had bad experiences with. Maybe you need to look back and see if it was a "type" that you went for. Was your standard (of what you want/need) from a man too low? Redefine what you REALLY are looking for.
Just getting attention is not fulfilling.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (7 August 2017):
 Men aren't as stupid as you might think. We know a butterfly when we see one. When you stop acting like a butterfly perhaps a discerning man will take you seriously. That takes a little bit more honesty on your part and the willingness to be vulnerable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): If your last two relationships never really paid attention to you then that could be why you seek attention. My ex husband did not compliment me and at times sought to make feel inferior to other women. As a result I dressed to please when I went out, even to run everyday errands, and at work also. Getting attention from men was a boost and made me feel that I was sexually appealing and attractive.
Hopefully your next partner will make you feel beautiful and wanted and value you both inside and outside. If he doesn't don't stick around too long. Dump him and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): Men you can't have seem safe to you. You can bask in the attention and not have to worry about getting hurt or working on a relationship.
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