A
female
age
36-40,
*abs1
writes: I have recently started dating someone and I'm having a pretty awesome experience with it. I'm really comfortable with him, we talk very personally, and its the first dating experience I've ever had where I wasn't nervous, and I was able to be myself all the time. The whole thing is just really relaxed. So to the issue, it is probably nothing, and I know in some way I can't judge someone for their fantasies and I never would normally. I'm pretty young looking, 4'11, small, cute face, the whole picture. I know he has a thing for that because of some things he's said, and he liked a pair of panties I wore once because of they how young I looked in them, and he was really into it. I was totally cool with it, and we had great sex, no problems. That was yesterday, today we were texting and when i said I was putting together a presentation he went off on a sexual fantasy, where I'm in pigtails wearing cotton underwear, with my face in hands, humming, the picture of a twelve year old doing homework!! Sooo now I'm a little turned off by it, maybe everyone has these crazy or strange sexual fantasies and you can't over think them, but I just can't seem to wrap my brain around that right now. I can't get it off the fact that.. he feels like he's sleeping with a teenager.. or younger..? I don't know someone talk some sense into me please. I know it takes courage to talk about things like that to someone for the first time, so I don't want to judge, or worse just get out of it altogether if its nothing.
View related questions:
text, underwear Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2012):
 I think it's more if a fantasy of "innocence" not child molestation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): He may simply be smitten with the idea that he has met the love of his life and wished that he had met you sooner such as when you were both young. This dream can be in many of us, it is not that we like children but the idea that we were meant to be with that one special person all of our lives.To clarify if he is a bit borderline creepy or the above I would simply bring it up. If he does not really have an explanation or if he simply clams up or if he does not try and overly manipulate the situation it is probablt the above.Paedophiles or sick minded men usually manipulate, are entirely obsessed with kids but hide it well. There is nothing wrong with saying that it concerns you and that you are certainly not judging but that you are a grown women and it makes you a little uneasy. That should send the right message either way.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 February 2012):
 I still do not think this is about wanting a child. You do not resemble a child after all, you are a grown woman. Who maybe wears childish underwear? Him liking adults who dress like they are young teenagers does not mean he wants young teenagers.
Anyway, if you find it uncomfortable I wouldn't blame you. He probably, most definitely, is not a pedophile. But you aren't turned on by the same thing as him. You do not enjoy trying to look younger than you are, and you seem to want a man who is attracted to YOU, and not to a fantasy. It sounds like your concern is less about him actually wanting a child, and more about whether or not he actually wants you for who you are, or just wants you because of how young you look.
Or maybe you'd rather have a man be attracted to you for other things than your young looks. Maybe you want to be acknowledge as something more of an adult sexually. That's perfectly fine, it's just a difference between his preferences and yours.
The solution is to talk to him about it. Really. He obviously has gotten to the stage of the relationship where he feels close enough with you to share his fantasies. Being repulsed by them as you are, or scared by it, you should talk to him about it to clarify things. The worst you can do is assume things (such as "omg he wants a 12 year old or a child"). Just talk to him.
"Hey, about these fantasies of yours... I'm not sure if I understand what you are attracted to. You say you like young girls, but how young? What is so attractive about them? Are you sexually attracted to me purely because I look young? Would you lose interest if I dress and act my own age? I worry because I am an adult, as are you, and I would like for us to have an adult relationship. Role playing or sexual, personal fantasies are ok. But I am not sure I am into trying to look younger than my actual age. It is actually a bit of a turn off for me. I'm not condoning your sexual fantasies, but I just don't think they are for me. Maybe you have other things that turn you on that we can work with, that also works for me?"
...............................
A
female
reader, Babs1 +, writes (17 February 2012):
Babs1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe never said twelve year old, but I did as a joke that my panties were my 'ten year old' panties (end of laundry cycle) and he was really turned on by that, and I thought about it a little but not too much at that point. Until the text...like that is all he can think about with sex with me is that he's having sex with a child? A fantasy or liking it can be fine, but it seems like it comes up often all of the sudden. He is a 35 year old man so this does creep me out a little..I did text back right away that "whoa that kinda blew me away" and he called a few hours later and apologized, no apology needed though, its the intentions or thought behind the fantasy that may or not may not be normal.With differing opinions I'm going to keep seeing him and just be cautious and trust my instincts.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 February 2012):
 did he say he pictured you as a 12 year old?
or is that what you think
at your age you still look very young I am sure...
many men have the school girl fantasy and that's pretty common and therefore pretty normal... you being still so young anyway you would have to be even younger looking to make it work for him if he's your age too...
I wish my guy found me hot in cotton panties... I'm getting sick of all the Victoria's secret I have to buy...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): If he is starting to sound creepy and setting off a few alarm bells. Listen to your instincts. You probably dont know him very well as this is a new relationship, so i would ere on the side of caution and not introduce him to younger friends or family. Not until you are either more comfortable that his `interests` are weird but harmless or you have run a background check on him.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 February 2012):
I don't think he imagined a 12 year old, more like Britney Spears in her first big hit video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-u5WLJ9Yk4&ob=av2e
Common sexual fantasy. Don't let it scare you. If you aren't into it then just tell him, but there's nothing odd about it. Fantasy is never real life anyway, keep that in mind. I enjoy pretending Im innocent and clueless about sex, being seduced by an experienced older man. Creepy in real life? Sure. Sexy in fantasy land? Yes, works for me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 February 2012):
Hi there. Perhaps it is just a simple fantasy, however if it bothers you, then say so.
The next time you are together, mention it to him and say it concerns you a little, and ask him why it turns him on.
Hopefully he can have a normal relationship with you without having to rely on this "little school girl" fantasy to enjoy making love.
Don't keep it to yourself. Just get it out in the open and discuss it as soon as possible.
It might just be a passing phase.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): Did he actually say a 12 year old? If so and this was a sexual fantasy of his, then he has a problem.
...............................
|
