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Boyfriend's comment about my short hair is she gay, or does she like men and women ? has left me feeling really bad!

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Question - (22 February 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm hurt by a comment that my boyfriend's friend made. When my boyfriend showed him my photo, he said " is she gay, or does she like men and women ? ". He said that just because i have very short hair!. It's a pixie style hair cut.I feel really self conscious now. I dont have anything against gay and bisexual people,but i dont want people thinking that about me when its not true,and i think its really rude that he said that when he doesnt know me.I dont know why my boyfriend told me that either. Lots of women have those styles and i bet they dont all get comments like that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012):

Wow! why do some men think that short hair is for men only, I love short cropped hair styles on women and so do lots of men, take a look at Jacqueline Pearce's buzzcut hairstyle in the TV series Blakes 7 for example, a stunning looking lady made even better with her crewcut hairstyle. Dont take any notice of these shallow minded people and congratulations on your beautiful cropped hairstyle.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012):

Someone mentioned Emma Watson.

http://www.okmagazine.com/news/emma-watson-my-pixie-haircut-sparked-lesbian-rumors

As I said OP, it's not unusual so don't let it bother you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012):

Don't feel self conscious! Pixie cuts look fantastic on the right face shape, you have nothing to be ashamed about. There are plenty of extremely attractive, straight celebrities with pixie cuts e.g. Michelle Williams.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012):

unfortunately alot of people will automatically assume that short hair = butch/tomboy = lesbian without considering anything else (like the fact that you have a boyfriend). In addition, long hair has been associated with women and femininity for a long time, so it is sometimes difficult for people to not jump to assumptions. I wouldn't worry about it too much though, and well done for having the confidence to rock a pixie haircut! I have always admired them but unfortunately don't quite have the right face shape/hair type to pull it off.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (22 February 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI love a pixie hair cut and have worn one on and off since I was a child… it can be very feminine and your boyfriend’s friend is a JERK…

Why is the comment of a friend once removed that you clearly don’t even know hurting you so badly?

I guess that Emma Watson and Halle Berry are also butch?

http://www.brobible.com/bronews/story/13160308-25-hottest-actresses-and-singers-really-short-hair has some great pictures of short haired women.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (22 February 2012):

Honeypie agony auntHmm, your BF's friend sounds like an homophobic imbecile! How did your BF react?

You know how many GORGEOUS women rock short hair? Halle Berry to name one.

Personally, I would let that roll of my back, having short hair doesn't have anything in the slightest to do with being gay or straight. It's just HAIR! And any one thinking otherwise are ignorant.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012):

How old is this friend? I remember thinking that all women who had short hair were lesbian when I was a kid.

I know a few short haired girls and they get those kind of comments sometimes too.

I used to have long hair and very feminine features when I was younger people thought I was a girl or a tranny. I wouldn't take it personally or take offence some people just speak without thinking or just can't see past their stereotypes it's not a big deal.

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A male reader, Hugh.J United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2012):

Hugh.J agony auntI can see that you are hurt by this, but you are truly making something out of nothing. And as for a pixie-style haircut, if you remember the sci-fi serial "Blake's Seven" and saw Jacqueline Pearce ion it, she had the shortest pixie-cut ever but, in her own words, was the masturbatory fantasy of males all over the country! NOBODY ever took her for a lesbian....

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 February 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt Do you even listen to these kind of comments, do they even register in your brain ?...

That's on par with people who see a male with a pink shirt and says : oh he MUST be gay.

Stupid people who say stupid things just because they like opening their mouth. It must be good for their dentists. All that air flow must bring in plenty of bacteria.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012):

That sort of comment can be hurtful, and when said while you are not there, you can not be sure what the context of the comment really was. HOWEVER that sort of comment says more about your boyfriends friend, he is either thoughtless, has a weak sense of humour or is nasty... forget it, when he gets to know you he'll see how wonderful you are. I am not sure why your boyfriend told you, but probably best you believe he had the best intentions... like not keeping something from you, or wanting to share with you, or maybe he thought nothing of it. Just try your best to not care what someone you have never met thinks.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2012):

k_c100 agony auntSome men are just idiots and like to say stupid things, he was probably trying to be funny in front of his friend (your boyfriend). He obviously knows you are not gay because you are with his friend, so he was probably just trying to wind your boyfriend up. Men never really grow up, no matter how old they are so I think you need to put this down to men being immature and trying to get a laugh out of each other.

Not sure why your boyfriend told you - that was a pretty dumb thing to do! It should remain as banter between friends, he never needed to tell you as it is hurtful.

Forget about it and dont worry about it - yes shorter hairstyles have been associated with lesbians in the past but there are millions of girls with short hair these days and they are not all gay. If you like your hair and it suits you then dont worry about what his mate thinks, all that matters is what you think.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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