A
female
age
30-35,
*aisy93
writes:I'm 17 and I got my first boyfriend a year and a half ago. We're still together, but recently he's been acting differently around me. I feel like now he doesn't care about me at all. He started acting differently when his brother died a couple of months ago, which i totally understood. He asked for a lot of space and we didnt talk or see eachother. But he still wants space now, and now i feel like he wants me out his life completely. I'm finding it hard to cope, and 2 days ago he texted me saying "we're finished" . it was such a shock and i'm not sure if he meant it or not because i dont know if it's just a phase. when his brother died i just wanted to be there for him, but he didn't want me to be. now i don't know where i stand. i don't feel i can tell him how i feel because it would be insensitive with everything he's going through.Our relationship was always on and off. i stuck by him through a lot, even when he was angry and sometimes became verbally and physically abusive. i can't believe our relationship has fallen apart after everything we've been through, and because he was my first boyfriend i don't know how to move on because i don't feel like i ever will. i find myself just sitting around my house letting my social life and work slip. how can i get back on track?
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female
reader, Daisy93 +, writes (1 December 2010):
Daisy93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou so much, the replies are really helping. ive been struggling so much and keep breaking down with no idea what to do. i've felt so alone in this but now i feel i have some direction
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): hii...
it sounds to me like he's definitely still grieving. losing any loved one is extremely difficult, but when that loved one is as close as a brother, it can be even worse. i know it's probably not what you want to hear, but i think that you need to just continue to give him space and let him work through this is the way that he feels is best for him. i'm sure that in the back of his mind, he knows that you're totally there for him, but he just might not feel like he can't or is not ready to open up.
as for the break-up, my guess is that it's brought on by his grief. i've known people who, after they lose someone like that, start giving up on everyone else because they're soo afraid of loss like that happening again. maybe he's in the same boat.
one thing i do caution you about is, if the two of you do get back together and his physical and verbal abuse continues, i would say that your best bet would be to walk. regardless of what he's going through, he really doesn't have any right to take it out on you. his problems are not your fault, and you don't deserve to be treated as such.
in the meantime, just do your best to keep yourself busy. do things that make you happy and just focus on you. spoil yourself. hang out with your friends. go shopping, play music, write...whatever you enjoy doing, do it. i know it can be really hard to get over someone you really care about--especially when he's your first boyfriend--but all i can tell you is just do your veryy best to stay strong. you've got this, girl. ")
good luck, and God bless,
~sarsar~
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Losing someone that is so close to you is so hard, especially a sibling as you grew up with that person and have a lot of memories with them.
I commend you on sticking by him, even through his mental and physical abuse. Everyone deals with loss in their own way and maybe this is his way of dealing with it.
I would respect his wishes and leave the relationship lie. But be there for him if you want to (as a friend) if he asks you or calls and wants to talk then talk to him, but don't crowd him.
Concentrate on school, work and yourself for right now and see what you can accomplish. Perhaps with time he will heal and come around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): To answer your question, there's nothing to fix. It's over and you need to start taking care of your own life. He's your first boyfriend. You will have plenty more, even though you don't believe that right now. People come and people go. That will be a constant throughout your life. You need to take him at his word that it's over. Moving on is a process. The first thing, though is that you need to get out there and be with other people. Don't hide in the house and mope around all day. You've made this guy the center of your universe, and when the light went out you were left in total darkness. Start living your life again. And, besides...it sounds to me like you can do better. After all, I'm sure there are guys out there who will not physically and verbally abuse you! Good luck.
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