A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:lately i have been so confused; the guy i like seems so on and off. he flirts with me and the whole bit, but when confronted with it he just kinda shrugs it off. he's got me spinning so bad i'm basically tying in knots! it breaks down like this: i once had a 3hr convo with J about how alike we are. later that night, my friend N (who had been sitting on the couch beside me while we were messaging) messaged J and said something along the lines of "you and her have so much in common, i could hook you up" and his reply was along the lines of "i have high standards, don't push it". i took that as a brush off, end of story i gave up. (note: i didn't know J very well at the time, but from what i had seen of him i could imagine myself getting to know him better; wanting to)a few weeks after that his sister was over, and out of the blue she say "J likes you". i was taken completely off guard, "oh?"... she went on to tell me how he brings up how alike he and i are in conversations with her, among other things. i hint that i might like him back. a week later she tells me that she told him, but he just kind of shrugged it off (she couldn't go into detail, he was in the next room over) i was at my place (which i share with a few friends, one of whom happens to be his good friend), walk out into the kitchen and they're in the living room (which is a clear shot from where i am) i start cooking dinner. every time i looked over, he was looking at me, but would look away. i was turned around, and i hear D (the guy who is his good friend and basically my brother) say "stop checking her out". J's reply was delayed and stuttered "no, i, uh, was just kinda zoned out" few days later it's late and i'm sitting in the living room watching movies, J and D walk in; usually they go play video games, today they came and sat down with me. i was in a chair, D and J were on a couch (D was closest to me). every time i looked over, J was looking. when he did or said something funny, he looked at me. when something funny happened in the movie, he looked at me. then the weirdest thing... D had said he wanted to be a tattoo artist and that he'd use J as his test dummy. J replied he could tattoo his name on J's butt. they laughed. few mins later, D goes "no really, we should to that" J replies, looking RIGHT at me, into my eyes, "yea, i was thinking that when you said we should tattoo her name... i mean, your name on my ass." i turned ten million shades of red, right then, sweaty palms and everything (which NEVER happens to me). when he was leaving that night, he was standing in the door waiting for D, looking right into the living room where i was sitting. i looked and he turned away quick and looked at his shoes. then, the week before last, which was his last weekend home before heading to camp for a few months, he showed up here. I had a friend over and he was with D again. well, D decides to tackle me; when i finally call mercy i go down to the bathroom to fix my hair (natural curl and carpet static don't mix). directly down the hall from where i come out i see N waving her hands like an idiot, i turn around and J is coming up behind me to get me. i turn to go the other way and D pops out; he starts pushing me down the hall towards J, then J comes up behind be and starts pushing me the other way; sandwiched between them i'm laughing and trying to get out. J is pushed RIGHT up against my butt, then he slips his leg in-between mine so i am straddling him. when i break free i go back to my friend. J comes and sits on the couch with me. he was paying attention to everything i said, scooting closer to see things on my computer or phone. we watched a movie, J left and said he was going home to bed. an hour later he shows up again to have a smoke with D, and invites me out, says it's on him, i tell him i don't smoke and he says his bit then says goodnight and leaves. i later found out D had plans with N to mess around, something i don't think J knew was going on. N has made plans so J would be there to keep me company while she wandered off with D. She asked D later how he'd got J to come, and he told her he told him the plan. then he said he may or may not have told J i was down to do stuff (to this day i don't know what really went down, but D has a tendency to tell random untrue stories to us girls, so i don't know). when he shows up at the house and D isn't around, he usually hang around longer than necessary, making random conversation and prolonging his leaving. these events are in order of their happening, and not embellished... what do you think J's deal is?! cause i'm entirely lost when it comes to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question... if this is all true, then i have the same fears as him; i'm afraid i've over reading things and this is just how he is, that this is all just friendly and if i make a move or suggest anything i'm going to mess things up and make them awkward. i'm always the skeptic, afraid of being hurt like i have been in the past.
his denial and refusal (saying he has high standards to N, and that she should quit trying to get us together. and shrugging his sisters confession about me off) are what throws me off. i'm not a twig, like he's used to being with, and i'm afraid he might like me as a person but not the way i look.
today his sister was over again. i mentioned something about liking spicy food and she replied "my brother does too!", then, after, i was listening to a song and she asked what it was, i told her, and she said "oh, J was listening to it the other day and i couldn't remember what it was" i pretty much know me and J have a lot in common, but why is she dropping this random info? because she has nothing else to talk about or because, maybe, he has said something to her and she is trying to gauge if i feel the same for him... ? trying to get us together perhaps?
i think too much sometimes... but i'm too afraid to just outright ask him and put an end to my wondering without reassurance (plus, i'm not usually one to make moves)
A
female
reader, soldier16  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 he likes you so much he pretending not to. overly looking at you when cooking and wanting your name tatooed to his butt shows you signs of affection and love. he wants to get to know you and be with you but i guess he's the kind of guy who's shy when it comes to situations like those.
give him some time and trust me he will blurt it out that he loves you. just watch and wait!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): It's strange to read this from a female perspective because I've got the exact same going on in my life in reverse and I hope she feels the same way for me as you do for him..... But I think you've answered my question.
He likes you. No doubt. I promise. But he may not be sure you feel the same way and he's scared to make a fool of himself but more importantly he may value your friendship so much that if he's thinking you don't want the same as him he may lose you forever and he doesn't want that.
I'd ask to meet him on his own. Go somewhere and talk. See what happens. I think this has all the signs of beautiful relationship.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I really like his approach. He's not a bull at a gate, charging in, whether you are ready or not. He much more subtle.
His slow and steady, gentlemanly approach will eventually mean a lovely partner for a similarly lovely lady.
I think he likes you a bit. His staring is a dead giveaway. But he's not sure yet. He's cautious and I think he's still getting his courage up. So he doesn't want to make a fool of himself, in front of his friends.
And he's biding his time, still assessing you. Some of what has occured may be at the urging of his friends. People are attempting to get you together (you being told things) and who knows what his friends are saying about you liking him a little bit too.
And some of his actions are motivated
his curiosity about you.
However i think you will impress him if you take it slowly too.
And don't act too pushy. If you really want to be with him then reel him in with the lighest touch. That's his approach, so it will match him. An occasional smile. Though no long
staring like him.
Allow him to make the first move, then he'll feel it was all his idea. Anything pushier may drive him away.
He really sounds much nicer than slicker, randier pushy males (who should be avoided) who just want to bed a girl once, asap, and then move on.
If it is meant to be then it will happen. Keep friends with his sister. She sounds like an ally. Stay as nice as you are and be patient.
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