A
female
age
41-50,
*pumie
writes:Hi all. Me an My bf we've got a financial problem. He took a annual leave, worse part @ his work they didn't pay his leave form so he was not paid the full amount he bought shoes unaware that there's no enough money. So now he want me to buy for some groceries and at home I'm a breadwinner. My problem is I can't take care of him especially at this difficult time. I just don't know what to do cause I can see that he want me to help him this month as I earn on the 15th of every month an he earns on the 25. I don't ask for anything to him as he was the one who taught me to be independent. He is very stingy.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 And don't you be the one to loan him money.
If he is a Good risk (meaning likely to pay the money back) then the Bank (they have far more resources than you) will be wiling to lend him the money.
But if the Bank says he is a bad risk (therefore they think he may NOT pay the money back) then why should you accept 100% of the risk if a Bank has already decided that they would possibly not be repaid the loan?
Just tell him that you are not a Bank.
A
female
reader, mpumie +, writes (17 June 2012):
mpumie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanx guys for honest advice. I thought I was become but I'm glad to have an advice like this. I will stand my ground.
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A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 I agree. you should not have to bail him out just coZ he cant manage his money. Explain to hin that u have ur own rates and electricity and food and petrol to buy and that u just cant afford it. perhaps he could ask his family? Or even take a loan from the bank. its not ur responsibilty when u arent even living together. stand ur ground and dont budge. dont feel guilty. Its not ur fault that he cant budget propally. xx
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 June 2012):
Am I correct in thinking you do not live with this guy?
Why should you have to meet his expenses?
He sounds irresponsible if just a pair of shoes can tip him over the edge financially.
Can he ask his family for help?
can he sell something he owns. If he has not yet worn the shoes then can he return the shoes to the shop?
You do not ask for anything from him. And yet he is also very stingy? Well he may be stingy to you. But he is not stingy to himself - he has new shoes.
Sounds like he needs to start budgeting his money carefully? Sounds like he was paid part of his pay, but not all of it? So when does he return to work from annual leave? Surely he will be back at work soon?
Be proud of you for being independent. Life is tough and if you start bailing him out then think what this could become? It could morph into you having to bail him out every week.
And get him to take his own advice and become more financially independent.
Until you are together permanently as a couple only then will you pool your money and live as a couple. But even when and if that happens you should both also have a small discretionary amount each week for yourselves. Totally separate from your pooled money.
And if and when you become a couple who live together and pool your finances you should also each keep a separate bank account with low fees to alow you to also each have a separate savings account.
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