A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend very much, and he loves me. He is 5 years older than me,he thinks of me as marriage material. Hes a great guy and booked a flight for us to get away for a long weekend.He has a good job and loves to take me out for dinner etc.im not working I'm a student.my friends are going away for Memorial Day weekend,my mom asked me to do a favor for her,I did and then she paid for my hotel room for the girls weekend.I'm going away with my friends and I'm excited because I've basically spent every weekend with my boyfriend.He didnt know about me going away until a week before I'm suppose to go bc I honestly forgot. He went crazy saying I use him,that I put my friends first.I really dont,I hardly see my friends bc I'm in college and volunteering at a hospital.He thinks I was sneaky to hide this from him.I was trying to study when we were having this fight and ended up having to pull an all nighter.he was still mad the next day.so after my exam I called him and he said he wanted to go for lunch,even though I was exhausted I agreed so I took the subway the opposite way bc I was so sleepy and then had to get off walk a mile then get on another subway line.it took me an hour to get to him we finally go for lunch and he hardly talks to me,he is rude and says he had planned to take me away that weekend.that he was asked to go away with his friends too, but he declined bc he was suppose to hang out with me!i had forgotten I told him a month ago wed hang out Memorial Day weekend.Im free thurs-sat and will only be away from sun-tues,but he's still mad. He asked me to come down to his apartment and I said yes but by the time I got home from the city i fell asleep(from the allnighter)didnt wake until he called me at 8pm I answered and was still sleepy and he was mad that now I'm too tired,that I let him down.he wants to end our relationship.I don't know what to do,help me please.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 ...And are you really surprised that now he wants to break up ? Your bf must be a very patient man if this is your normal M.O. , but every patience has a limit and he might have reached his. The most loving partner eventually gets tired of being taken for granted and treated as an afterthought.
Can't you really see how it looks from his side ? I'll try and tell you.
Even giving you the benefit of doubt and imputing your behaviour to just natural and age related airheadedness , without any premeditation ( of which I am not too sure ) remmber that airheadedness is only " cute " for a while, after which it gets stale. So, let 's see :
he tells you, one month in advance, that he wants to spend Memorial Day weekend with you , and you accept. Done. Deal closed. You took a committment, and it's up to you find a way to remember it. If your memory is really so bad, take notes on your diary, on your calendar, on your phone, ask your mom to remind you every day , do what you want but it is UP TO YOU to organize yourself so that keep your commitment. Sure, stuff happens, but, frankly, who cares , OP. " I fell asleep " or " the dog are my homework "- not good enough. Short of physical injuries , illness, and acts of God ( tornadoes, snowstorms etc... ) adults say they'll do something and then they do it.
Not considering then, that people ONLY forget ... what's not important enough to be remembered. Did you forget to show up at school for your exam ? Did you forget to study for it ? No ? Then how came you forgot the plans you had with your BF ? - Only two solutions, Op, either you did not forget , but just blew him off, or you did forget because you do not care enough to remember.
Ditto for the trip with your friends, of which he came to know just a week before " because you forgot " . Hard to believe , frankly, it does sound like BS to my ears, imagine to his. Op, you are an unpecunious student, you never go on trips with your friends, now all of a sudden your mom gives you money, you book a trip... these are unusual events in your life, is it possible that you just pushed them to the back of your mind, and it never came up in conversation with your BF ? What do you talk about normally, the wheather report ?...
I am sure he feels he has not been informed ON PURPOSE till the last minute, so that he could not protest, remind you your previous committment with him, and interfere with your new plans . Very passive aggressive, and very irritating, people do not like to be treated as if they were idiots.
Did you really really forget all about it, cross my fingers and hope to die ? .... Not much better, OP, same as before, people remember easily what MATTERS to them ( like a bf, and sharing your plans with him ).
Then all the saga with the lack of sleep and the subway and the missed appointments etc... same old story, OP, it's still " the dog ate my homework ". You could have easily said no, I can't come over today, I need to catch up with sleep. You could have made an effort and set your alarm. You could have come up with something. But no, it sounds as if everything revolves around you and what you want need like prefer ... cool, but what about HIM ? When is it his turn ? I think that this is the way he is feeling right now, and , sorry, but with very good cause.
Now all you can do is apologize , GROVEL in fact, promise solemnly that you 'll change - and keep your promise, if you care about the guy.
It may be that you are a scatterbrained person by nature, that you don't know how to get organized ( but, again, you get organized enough to attend college and pass exams, don't you ? ) but then, either you make a big big effort and LEARN to be organized, or, you give up for the time being to the idea of having a realtionshipo. A bf is not a fashion accessory , Op, that you take out and show off when you want, and the rest of the time you forget about.
He is a person with his own plans , schedule, wishes, needs and expectations, - so if you can't make things mesh harmoniously, it's best giving up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): First of all, try sticking to your plans. Keep a diary or a reminder on your smartphone; so you can honor a commitment.
You are taking advantage of your boyfriend. You seem to have too many convenient excuses. At least that's the way he sees it; because you make so many childish mistakes and always end up leaving him waiting.
I don't think there is much more advice that can be given accept that you should show more consideration for his feelings.
I also see him breaking up with you in the foreseeable future.
You both seem to have a problem synchronizing your time schedules; and you can't seem to organize your plans.
He's too old for you.
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