A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm trying to understand if my boyfriend and I are not communicating or not compatible. He says he wants us to get married as soon as possible and he is going to work extra to buy an engagement ring or even look for another job if possible. But every week he is out drinking with his friends and this week he told me he is buying a new tv with some extra money he will be getting next month. He has not saved any money yet, and we talked about the ring 8 months ago. But no sign yet and he seems to be spending not saving. Did I misunderstand? I don't want to be a fool and hang on if he's not serious. I want to get married and have a family, not be a girlfriend forever. I would rather make my way on my own and hope I am lucky enough to find a man that means what he says than be indefinitely on hold. He knows I want to marry and have a family, so it's not as if I haven't been clear. I did not make it a threat, I said that is what I wish for.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2013): "He knows I want to marry and have a family, so it's not as if I haven't been clear."
He knows exactly what you want, which is why he's stringing you along with the false promise of an engagement ring while continuing to do exactly what he wants. If he wanted marriage and family, then he would be showing you that he's working toward that goal.
Must respectfully disagree with PeachCobbler03, there's no point in having a conversation about your goals, his aren't compatible with yours but he's not man enough to admit it because he's fine with the status quo. It's up to you to take a stand and dump him so you can find someone who truly wants what you want.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2013): If I were in your shoes, I would be mighty unhappy .. Big talk and no action is your guy .. To me and I'm sorry as I don't want to hurt your feelings sweetie I think he told you what he thought you wanted to hear .. He said it then got back on with leading his bachelor boy lifestyle . Out boozing and buying expensive household items when he has no point of putting money away for the engagement ring ...Why does he see no point .. As the game keeps on playing .. He keeps up his boyish ways and you don't want to rock the boat .. An engagement ring doesn't have to cost the earth .. It's what it's given with .. The intent of settling down . And here comes another of my opinions ' I don't think he wants to, not by what I've read ' Now that said .. There are two ways forward .. Leave his sorry ass ( as he will be sorry if he loses you )Or twoSpeak up . Say something like 'I was thinking if you saved x much a week say 15 pound .. We could look at rings next summer and I thought I'd be the banker haha and hold the loot .. Make it light and cheery .. Give him a chance .. If he hangs himself and doesn't want to put over the money that he said he would save .. Then I think it's time to draw a line under it and walk away .. Head high let him get on with being a lad .. Take care sweetie .. X
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A
female
reader, PeachCobbler03  +, writes (14 September 2013):
 Always go by a person's actions, not their words. It would also be a good idea for you and your boyfriend to have a serious conversation about your long term goals, as well as his long term goals. If your long term goals aren't compatible, then it's up to you to make a decision to stay or go.
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