A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have really good sex but he still asks me if I'm enjoying it. I know it's good that he wants to make sure I feel good but it's his reasoning that gets me. He says he's not sure because I'm not loud enough. I moan like the whole time and its not quiet in my opinion but I'm also kind of a shy girl. He keeps telling me he wants me to scream and say his name and stuff like that but I dont know... that's just not me and I can't like randomly call out his name during sex. It would just feel so weird for me. So, I thought he would just realize that its not going to happen and move on but he asks every single time and I just kind of ignor it I guess. Should I just suck it up and do it to make him happy?
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 August 2011):
 If you are not noisy-then it just is not going to happen.
Faking for his ego inflation and sexual elation is not about you having sex as a couple-it would be about him.
You could always tell him-"If you want me to scream your name in ecstasy, give me something to scream ABOUT!"
;)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 August 2011):
 he's watching too much porn.
you need to be true to yourself and tell him "if you don't like the way I make love you can leave me and find someone that fits your needs better"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): Tell him that those actresses in porn are putting on a show for the men watching and paying for it, and that real women don't act like that in bed.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 why does he want you to say fake things and make fake noises? maybe you could compromise and get a little more vocal for him but not to the extent where you feel you are being ridiculous, as if you feel uncomfortable doing/saying something this will ruin sex for you
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): he cares more about his own ego and enjoyment than about how you're feeling. I would find this very off-putting and not even want to be with him at all.there's nothing wrong with him preferring if you were more vocal or whatnot. everyone has their preferences. But it's not right for him to demand or pester you to do things his way when clearly it's not what you feel comfortable with. And furthermore, the things he wants you to do are to display emotions. But you can't display emotions that you don't have. It's not like he's asking you cook him dinner, which you can do without liking it or enjoying it but simply to make him happy. But you can't display passion that you dont' feel - if you do it's being fake. Ask him, does he want you to fake it?? if he 'needs' to see a display of emotion/passion from you in only a certain specific way in order to feel it, then he has some issues to work on his own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): Hello. As soon as you start feeling that you have to 'suck it up' and do things you are not comfortable with just to keep someone else happy in the bedroom, then you know things aren't turning out too well.Your partner doesn't know much about real love making, he just wants you to play a role while he has sex. That's not a healthy sign. Either he is insecure about his sexual prowess, so he is demanding screaming reassurance. Or he has watched things in which the women scream with 'pleasure' and he feels you are somehow at fault because you should be doing the same. Either way it is not your problem. You are fine as you are, doing what makes you happy and keeping it real. Your partner has the problem because he is being unreasonable and spoiling things all for the sake of having his ego massaged. So have a word with him and explain, you are doing what comes naturally to you and you are not going to pretend things. That would be very fake and not helpful to either of you. Sexually speaking, NEVER do anything you don't feel is right for you. You are a young lady with many years ahead of you to think on things, so make your experiences good ones as you can't change the past once it is done. Set yourself 'your standards' from the get go. Decide what you find acceptable and what you don't find acceptable...such as faking things/being coerced into performing or acting. And maintain your standards even in the face of a selfish lover. You are not a trick pony at the circus, you are a young woman with your own ideals and standards and they should be respected. So have confidence, know what YOU want from this and any relationship and expect no less! That way you will never have any regrets and are far more likely to find your perfect partner. With Regards, A Mother.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 August 2011):
 I'm guessing that he's madly insecure, and at age 17, he's had more experience with sex because of watching porn than being with someone. You know, the stereotypical screeching, grunting, screaming "F*CK ME HARD POOKIE BEAR!" and the simultaneous 400-second orgasm that leaves her close to comatose as she screams in 6 octaves. UGH.
He should cherish the fact that you are having sex with him and that you want to be there, and that he knows that you're not faking it by moaning like a wounded wildebeest in order to hurry him up so that he'll shoot so you can get back to watching Letterman.
Look him in the eye and ask him whether he wants you to fake the loud over-moaning that he thinks sex should be about, or whether he wants to hear his real girlfriend express her song of love to him in her key, not someone else's. Tell him that if you have to think about how you respond to the sex, that it will completely and utterly blow it for you.
People enjoy sex different ways and in different volumes. Some like talking through it, while others make hardly any sound apart from their change in breathing. Enjoyment of sex, like the human fingerprint, is as varied, and no two people are the same. Stay yourself girl!
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A
female
reader, Kat1235 +, writes (23 August 2011):
If you really love your boyfriend and trust him enough to be having sex with him, why not just tell him how good he makes you feel. Even if it is just a whisper in his ear saying: "that feels so good". It'll make him feel better about it and hopefully stop the conversations.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Just nicely let him know that it ain't gonna happen babe. You don't want to be doing anything that you're not comfortable with. And promise me that you'll practice safe sex!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Sure. Not quite sure why you are having sex at your age - it's not necessarily the means to an end except for becoming a family and raising children, so if he isn't the father of your 13 children, perhaps you should be more discriminating? So - if you are ignoring biology and accepting the fact that you might get pregnant from this guy, who seems to make having sex at all; and any sexual response all about him, then - Sure.
I'm not so sure. You don't have to have a sexual relationship at your age in order to have boyfriends - they don't have to become lovers. That is YOUR choice and I feel from what you are describing that you are being coerced because you want to please him.
WHAT IS IT that pleases you??????? You need to decide what YOU want! Not what someone else tells you he wants! As a Mom, I worry that you are letting other people decide the direction that your own life is heading in - noise or no noise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): Explain to him that just because you are not being overly vocal doesnt mean you're not enjoying it. People react to pleasure in different ways, and being louder just cos he wants it will be fake for you. Don't do anything you're not comfy with.Maybe you could tell him how it felt for you after it, so he doesn't gave the chance to ask you? Then he'll see he doesn't need to ask every time!
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A
female
reader, sexybabe13 +, writes (23 August 2011):
 No you shouldn't. Do what makes you comfortable. And if he loves you, he'll understand.
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