A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently found pictures of my significant other in his phone along with seeing him on website called backpage. I viewed his history and found him looking up girls in different areas. He denied taking those pictures in my bed from not even less then a month ago, along with his history. He continued saying his phone was hacked and he didn't know how all that got there. What should I do ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2017): Hello there. Sorry you are going through this situation.Let's just start with 'you found pictures of your significant other on his phone'. I take it you were snooping on his phone without his consent? Snooping is unethical but is can be very effective to gain proof of cheating. So, you must have been suspicious to invade privacy. And guess what - it was effective.He thought on his feet when challenged and his little mind came up with the only option he could think of - and actually give, (if you think about it) - 'it wasn't me'. The evil flying magical unicorn did it - (might as well be that). Yes, the evil magical unicorn took photos of me and placed them on this site. He will stick to this story and not budge from it. How can he budge from it? Yes, honey, you got me - I posted pictures of myself and I am hooking up with other women. There is no way he will move from this because it is his only cover story option. The next stage, because you are dealing with a narcissist, is that he will get angry that you question his integrity (how dare you question him? What's your problem. You're jealous, insecure and crazy - deflection, in other words).You need to make a plan of getting away from him. If you living together, where can you go? Are you financially dependent on him? Do you have a place to stay? Can you get a support system to help you get the hell out of there?It is going to hard. We hate feeling betrayed, used and foolish. Wouldn't it be just nice if his phone was hacked and maybe...maybe...it's true? BS! Busted and squirming. You deserve sooo much better than this. Get out, heal, and move on.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 October 2017):
 Sweetie I am so sorry that you are going through this at the moment, it must be very hard for you. I think you know deep down the only way forward is to end things with him. Now I know that this is hard as am sure you love him, but he is not treating you well at all. He is obviously cheating on you, and not only that but potentially paying for sex. The only way I see forward for you is ending things and don't look back. Yes it will be painful the end off most relationships are but it will be the kindest thing for you in the long run as you deserve so much better than him. When you feel ready I think you should make an appointment to attend a clinic to make sure he has not transmitted any infections to you as he really was not the man you thought he was. Good luck and hopefully you can find the strength to leave him for good.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (28 October 2017):
 Eugh.. this post gives me shivers. A guy that lies to his gf about buying sex from trafficked people clearly has not one moral bone in his body. They re PROSTITUTE SLAVES.
If he didnt use condoms he must have an Std.
SO GET YOURSELF CHECKED BEFORE YOU GO WITH ANYONE ELSE.
It goes without saying he's lying, as the other aunts have explained. . I'm very sorry this has happened to you, try not to be hard on yourself as people that do not have consciences are bona fide sociopaths and make EXCELLENT LIARS.
Get yourself checked and get rid
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2017): So he cheats on you and then lies to you and you wonder what to do?Really op I think you know what you have to do.Stop second guessing yourself and dump the cheating liar before he gives you aids or something.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (28 October 2017):
You should kick him out and find another boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2017):
 https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/9-things-you-need-to-know-about-backpage.com-and-sex-trafficking
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/07/opinion/google-backpagecom-sex-traffickers.html
Thought you should read those...
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A
female
reader, Orosa  +, writes (28 October 2017):
Your headline says that you don't believe him. You might still have feelings for him but clearly you don't trust him anymore. Which you really shouldn't. As for his phone being hacked.. Based on what you wrote, he should have noticed a while ago. If history and pictures appear on his phone there no way he wouldn't have noticed.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2017):
 I don't even know what " backpage " is, but I know that no hacker could have entered your bedroom and taken pics of your bf in bed.
You are right in not believing him; his lies are not believable. What should you do ? That would depend from your level of tolerance toward men who a) contact prostitutes right from your bed and b) when caught red - handed, insult your intelligence by insisting on the most foolish lies ever.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 October 2017):
 Sweetheart, you KNOW he is lying.
As I see it, you now have two choices: kick him to the kerb and find someone who you can trust, or hope that, having been caught out, he will not do it again. I think he will just be more careful next time at covering his tracks but the decision is yours.
I do have to ask what you were doing going through his phone though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2017): Believe what u want, or face what you know.!
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (28 October 2017):
 Your so called "bf" has no respect for himself, let alone for you.
It's a sad shame yes, but it's the truth.
He feels embarrassed that you caught him out and of course he knows he's lying to you, however, he's not in any position to tell you the truth.
The worst part- he is telling you a big lie and telling it to your face.
He cannot ever be trusted and if you continue to stay with him, guess what?
He will continue to abuse your trust, because he thinks you are naive enough to buy his BS.
You need to step up and show him who the smart one is.
You should tell him, that you know what he's doing is very low and that he's looking to buy sex outside of your relationship.
Now that you're aware of what his true intent is, you need to think really deeply about what you ought do.
I wouldn't encourage you to remain with a guy who's lying to you and abusing your love and your trust.
He isn't fully committed to you and only you. He's very interested in getting sex elsewhere.
Who knows how long this has been going on, not to mention the fact that he may be carrying all sorts of STDs.
You should be very careful.
If your bf is doing this to you now, think about how much worse things can/will get in the future.
He's already getting away with murder and he was certainly trying to, behind your back, UNTIL YOU CAUGHT HIM OUT.
He has proven that he cannot be trusted and that he's not worthy of your love and loyalty.
The bottom line is, you shouldn't stay with such a person and remaining with him will only make you wreak of absolute desperation.
I think you know what the right thing to do is.
If he wants to play male whore, let him do it alone.
He will continue to lie, if he can get away with it and i doubt he was ever going to tell you the truth, nor ever will in the future.
This is a serious lie and such lies don't warrant forgiveness.
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A
female
reader, holeymoley +, writes (28 October 2017):
 "In your bedroom" " hacked" -sheesh! Of course you don't believe him, who would. Thats as believable as "I slipped and my dick accidentally went into her vagina"- Move on girlfriend
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2017): I don't blame you.I wouldn't believe him either.He'd leave me no choice but to end the relationship.Hacking is an easy, cop out answer. He didn't know what else to say cause he was caught unexpectedly. But what are the odds somebody would hack his phone just to browse through Backpage? History gives him away. You cannot deny that kind of proof. Even more damming are the pictures he took of himself in your bedroom! No way on earth those were hacked!If you believe him, you turn a blind eye and give him an unspoken green light to cheat on you. This will set the tone of your relationship and his future treatment of you. He will see you as a door mat and that cheating has no consequences.Leave him and he will learn very quickly that you are no doormat and that cheating does have consequences. Losing a rare diamond for a bunch of filthy rocks he would end up tossing away anyway is going to be a lesson he learns the hard way.His loss sweetie. Go find better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2017):
So someone WENT to YOUR bedroom and took pictures of HIM and then they hacked his phone?
Oh please, it's dripping bullshit here.
Why do you still call him a BF?
Do you know that "backpage" is a KNOWN place to "buy" sex from trafficked and underage girls/boys? I believe they say 80% of people being trafficked for SEX is "sold" on "backpage". It's disgusting and a disgrace.
He IS lying. No his phone wasn't hacked. You know he is so full of shit.
My question to you is IF he has been doing this behind your back and now lying to your face, WHY are you still with him? You think him getting caught by you will set him on the straight and narrow?
Set yourself free from this creep and dump him.
He wasn't on "backpage" for shits and giggles. He was looking to BUY sex. The fact that he presumes you are so stupid that you will believe "my phone was hacked" excuse will get him out of trouble makes me think he knows how to manipulate you VERY well.
Dump the loser. Move on with life.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (28 October 2017):
 I'm just upset that he used such a horrible excuse. Please don't fall for that. I think we both know he's lying. Men like to get what they want, when they want it, sadly a lot of us don't care about how it will affect their significant others. Usually, when we get caught, we lie because sometimes the lying works. We don't want to destroy the picturesque image our spouse have of us, nor do we want to lose the benefits that come with her, so instead you're told what you want to hear. It's manipulation.Men are more likely to break-up or cheat on someone who obsess over him. Mind you, men cheat on all sorts of women but the ones who aren't paying attention or don't make it very clear they won't tolerate his games usually get it bad. Technically he hasn't cheated so give him a chance but just let him know you won't be toyed with.All the best.
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