A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my bf now for 1yr and a half. We moved to a different state together and are living together.He "says" he loves me and am the only one for him and he wanted to get married and have kids. Then i found out a couple months ago if was putting personal ads in craglist, looking for girls. I am having the hardest time trusting him now. Also i know he wrote msgs on facebook to a girl he use to like wanted to hangout and stuff when we come down to visit family. should i trust him? should a tell him i dnt trust him? what to do :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 If he is putting ads on Craigslist , he does not love you in the way you want to be loved : exclusively.
He loves you ,in a selfish way- he loves knowing that you are at his disposal, faithful and in love with him. He loves being loved by you.
Of course everybody, men and women, have moments of curiosity when they ask themselves " I wonder how it would be with another person..."- but if they are committed to their relationship, they won't take any steps to satisfy their curiosity.
A
female
reader, Sunystar1 +, writes (18 October 2010):
 I agree with the other advice answers. Honey, if he is IN LOVE with you, you would be the only woman in his heart and on his mind. Maybe he is afraid to settle down, but don't you settle for his behaviors. Ask him what he feels "commitment" is? If he answers with all you want to hear, then ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned. You were messaging and old fling on facebook, or you put out ads on Craigslist. But he has violated your trust! So don't feel bad for not having it with him. He will need to earn it back and you need to make him really work at it. However, it sounds like he is looking for the next best thing and you may just be a time filler. I have been thru alot with my current love. And he did cheat in the beginning of our long distance. He has done alot to prove he made a mistake and can be trusted. But he lacks communication and many other areas I am in need of. I will prob always have trust issues with him...he is the 1st person I ever gave 100 percent trust in and he broke it. It is just hard to come back from the hurt. Just don't settle and really research topics of cheating and things like that....see where your heart really is and not your comfort level. Had I not been pregnant when I found out about my hurt of him cheating, I would have left. But I have settled for the kids and it's just not a real happy place to be in love. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Dont assume he will cheat! At least speak with him calmly and ask him what his goals of the relationship are and what he desires. If they do not match, then just simply split. However, its you that must initiate this convo and id suggest doing it when both parties are relaxed so that they are in a good state of mind for a serious conversation. Good luck to you :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 October 2010):
Hi there. You are going to have to have a talk with him about it, and see what he's feeling about you and your relationship now.
What he says and what he does, don't seem to match up, do they? Because he seems to act like he is a single unattached young man.
If he's so in love with you, why is he talking on FaceBook to a girl he used to like?
Also, the placing of a personal ad on a dating website, is a bit of a worry.
He sounds a bit restless, like he's a bit unsure of what he really wants - or who!
Having a discussion with him will help clarify things between you, and will ensure whether you both still want the same things.
When you have this discussion, don't get angry or upset but stay calm, be loving and respectful and be conscious of each other's feelings, so no-one gets hurt. Staying calm, will also avoid any arguments. Also, be positive so he doesn't feel like you are just criticizing him.
Remember, it's not what you say, but how you say it - that really counts.
Once you get it all sorted (one way or the other), you can then proceed forward from there.
But first of all, you both need to know exactly where you stand with each other.
I sincerely hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, orange_sasquatch +, writes (18 October 2010):
what I would do is respond to one of his craig's list ads, then confront him when he shows up. But I would say confront him. Then see what he has to say. Then probably dump him. because as the previous two people have said, he's probably going to cheat on you if he hasn't already. sorry.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 October 2010):
 Leave him. He's planning on cheating if he hasn't already. Even if he wasn't, it's such blatant disrespect that you really can't expect him to stay totally faithful in the future. Find someone who's more respectful to you. I'm sorry this happened.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 October 2010):
Why in the world would you trust him? Would you expected to be trusted if you were putting out ads for guys and trying to meet up with some guy on facebook? Probably not. He's obviously up to no good, he's not putting up ads or writing other girls because he wants to color in coloring books with them!
I think you need to break up with him. You can call him out on it and tell him you don't trust him and that you know, but he's either going to turn it around or sweet talk you into believing that you can trust him then go right back to what he was doing before. So you should end it before he does end up cheating on you if he hasn't already.
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