A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:what should i do?i dont wanna lose my virginity.i am 22 years.and i am in relationship from past 5 years.me and my b.f have done oral sex many times.but now he wants me to lose my viriginty for him and i dont wanna lose it before my marriage.my b.f says that he already wait alot for this now he cann't wait anymore.i truely love him i dont wanna lose him and i would feel so bad if he will lose his virginity for anyother girl:( .plz help me what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanku so much evryone:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I think you all are ragging on the guy too much..He has been with her for 5 years! He is not just trying to get in her pants..if that was his goal he would have left after the first 6 months.. Give him some credit its a tough spot. And also 22 is too young for marriage...divorce rates are high because of this reason..people rush into marriage for physical reasons.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): You may still have your hymen, but you are not a virgin anymore. Dump him and find a marriage-oriented guy as a replacement. Be honest with your new boyfriend about your sexual past, express your regret and hope he'll forgive you. Rinse and repeat until you find The One.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 "he always says that everyone lose their virginity in our age then why dont we?:(" - BULLS**T. He's desperate to get into your pants. This shows how immature he is, maybe he's being laughed at by his friends because they already had sex, and he's still waiting for you. I understand that he's frustrated and that you don't want to lose him, that's the most tricky situation, but don't fall for this cr*p.
Listen: you lose your virginity at the age that you're ready to do it - can be at 15 year-old , or 30 year-old, it's not the physical problem, it's the psychological barrier - you're not ready, something's stopping you, you're scared of something, you feel like isn't the right thing to do, you have doubts etc - means you're not ready. And if you're not ready, you're uncomfortable doing something you don't want to. And if you're not comfortable with something, you'll end up hating it. The first sexual experience must be an agreement between the 2 of you. When one of you is against it, but the act takes place, it's called "rape", no matter how sweet he acts when he gets inside you - if you're not ready, you most likely won't like it and you'll have a bad memory about it. (sorry for repeating so much these things).
Remember: IT'S YOU CHOICE, not his.
Just tell him for the last time. If he's not OK with it, just leave him. It sounds bad, especially after 5 years of being in a relationship, he's part of you now, but it's the right thing, in case he cannot respect your conditions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): If you want to wait until marriage then that's what you should do.I understand that it has been five years but i think you will regret it, if your sole purpose is to make your bf happy. That is not something you should feel forced to do. Having sex with someone has never to my knowledge been the best way to keep a relationship together.I must advise you to make careful decisions because when its gone you cant get it back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Is this the man you want to marry?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Don't if the only reason is because he has waited long enough. If you don't want to that is your choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanku so much both of u,for helping me.
we dont want to get married rite now because we are just 22 and we have to make our career first and then we'll decide about our marriage.but he is not ready to listen my problem that i dont want to lose my virginity because i dont think that i m ready for this rite now. and it hurts me alot.he always says that everyone lose their virginity in our age then why dont we?:(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Sweetness I am proud of you for not putting up with what someone wants despite your own beliefs. He has to respect your wish, and if he doesn't then he is not worthy of you. If he keeps bringing the topic up then sex us all what he is looking for, and you should break up with him for your own goodness and move on.
If he kept chasing you after that point then report him to the police and file charges against him. Pathetic jerks like what he sounds like can be dangerous.
Give him the ultimatum and be safe. You are a young beautiful princess, and you have the right to choose who would touch your body and who may not, and when to, but some people are senseless enough to fail to realise that.
I hope you meet someone who appreciates you for who you are, not to get in your pants!!! Bless you. I AM proud of you.
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A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (29 August 2010):
You guys have been together gfor 5 years? Any talk about getting married? You guys should get married, being together that lkong
But don't do anything you don't want too. And he should understand
Good luxck
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (29 August 2010):
Well, it's easy, you have 2 possibilities:
Either you marry him, or you make him marry you, so you can have sex with him, as a married couple, either you dump him, for another guy, who's more appreciative towards your personal boundaries, who will be patient enough.
On the other hand, your boyfriend for 5 years must feel frustrated, that's why he behaves in such manner. Just don't do anything against your will just to make him happy. Who knows, maybe he isn't even the guy you'll be spending your life with, from what I can tell, you seem a traditional person. It's not a bad thing at all, but in the current society, it's awkward. There are so many young girls out there who give themselves to men because they are afraid to lose them, that it's became a normal phenomenon. It's good you don't seem to be one of them. I repeat: if you have sexual and moral (or religious) boundaries, NOBODY has the right to talk you into doing things you don't want to do.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (29 August 2010):
Only you can decide how important your virginity is to you. If it is really important to you to keep it until marriage, that's your right, and you should find someone that holds the same values, or is willing to wait that long. But at the same time, your current bf has been with you for a long time and has waited a pretty long time, so it's not like he doesn't care for you a lot. And you obviously care a lot about him too.
Just take your time to really evaluate your feelings about virginity and sex: how important is it to wait, why would you want to have sex, what if you have sex and then break up with someone, etc. Because you shouldn't have sex with him out of obligation. And you shouldn't have sex with him and then regret it and resent him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Tell him to get married to you first! Don't lower your standards. Why 5 years and no marriage? You two should be engaged by now. If there are problems which prevent you two from committing in that way by now, time to leave.
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