A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of just over a year was invited to my nieces birthday party today. he said he would go 3 weeks ago when asked, then the day before it said he couldn't make it and made up a lame excuse about the time it started conflicting with something else. I told him that was no reason to not go as the other thing could easily be moved by an hour to allow him to go, then he said it was a stupid kids party anyway and wasnt going to change things for a silly kids thing (his 5 year old was also invited to this party so not a lot to expect from him to bring his kid who loves that type of thing), when i said about the kids would love it and there had been a lot of time effort and money spent onganising this thing, he said he wasnt going because he didnt like getting dressed up (not fancy dress... just wearing a shirt instead of a t-shirt). I asked him for a reasonable explanation to why he didnt want to go, because he has done this before at the one other event i asked him to go to with me, all he will say is he doesnt do family things and theyre not his family anyway and i should stop going off on a rant when things dont go my own way. the rant he is referring to is me asking if there was a genuine reason for him not wanting to know my family or go to something like that because i really dont understand what the big fuss is and why he would go to such lengths to get out of itam i asking too much?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, update is, we have split up.I told him all I had done was ask why he didnt say that he didnt want to go in the first place instead of making excuses later. i said was there a reason for not wanting to go to this type of thing because if there was we will need to speak about it so that he doesnt feel pressured if i invite him to anything else in the future. He said i was ranting on again and he didnt like the way things were going that i was being huffy and telling him what to do (this is only the 2nd disagreement of our year long relationship and i have never tried to tell him what to do he is referring to thinking i was trying to force him to go to this party) and the result is that he has left me, blocked me from all the online chat places we used and texted me to tell me that I ended this because of my irrational behaviourthis is so out of the blue, he has never been like this before, we have had one disagreement in the past year, and its hurting, but at the same time.. i dont want to be with someone that behaves like that, but that doesnt stop it from hurting
A
male
reader, Philips +, writes (15 May 2011):
 To answer your question:
You are not asking too much. He needs to know the important persons in your life.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 May 2011):
 Tell him you're not going on a rant, you're asking a fair question. He can't tell you one day he will come, then change his mind the next. He's either in or out, end of. Things take planning, and he needs to respect your time and efforts as well as the effort of everyone else. If he's expected a place (accepted an invitation) he better show.
If you ask an honest question he also needs to give an honest reply, and respect you enough to not give you 5 different excuses or something up the lines of that. If he's got a reason, tell it, straight of the bat.
I can't stand it either when men aren't being honest, and spit up one excuse after the other, and not until you've picked their first silly reasons apart does the truth come forth.
He needs to be honest with you. If he can do that, give him a treat in return. If he is honest with you, and he doesn't want to go to kids parties or family events, you wont make him either. You will continue to ask him, so that he gets the option, and one day maybe he will surprise you. But other than that, as long as he's honest and upfront: if he doesn't want to go you wont make him either.
Unless, of course, there is a special event (like his own kids birthday, or something up the lines of that) and he needs to be there for a particularly good reason.
Plenty of people don't do "family things". I say let him be and have fun at the family event without him. But he needs to respect you enough to be honest with you and not try and pull some crap out of his arse that anyone can see through. In his defense though, some guys do that when they feel cornered and just want to get out of a situation without knowing the exact reason themselves. So they say something without thinking it through. It's not like he planned a detailed lie to you in order to deceive you. I think he lacked the courage to tell you the truth, or he hadn't even thought about his true reasons himself, he just didn't feel like going.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 If this is a serious relationship, no, you are not asking too much. His reaction could be based on what family means to him or to any difficult event that family gatherings remind him of. Try to talk, calmly, with him (after the event). There is a lot of information on his views about family that will let you see if this is what you want from your partner/bf.
Best of lucks!
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