A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (who is 34) and I have been going out now for 5 years. He regularly tells me he loves me. His last serious relationship also lasted 5 years and he split up with that girl about 18 months before we got together. I asked him today, just as part of a casual conversation, whether he still thought about her (we were both talking about previous relationships) and he actually said that he still loves her! I was pretty taken aback. He said that its love like as a friend but to be honest I am struggling with this - particularly as he claims they have not had any contact at all since they split. I asked him whether he had been in touch with her and he said no - though he admitted a couple of years back that his family were still in contact with her - which I did not have a problem with. I have tried to put this all at the back of my mind, I have to accept what he says, but I am struggling with how he can still love her. I have had a couple of longer term relationships and whilst I loved both people I don't any more as I've moved on. I don't wish them any harm or hate them but I definitely don't love them. I really need other people's views so I can get this in perspective as it is starting to eat away at me. Should I take this personally?
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female
reader, RebeccaMay +, writes (29 January 2011):
I have to say, I don't think you're overreacting at all. I am in a very similar situation myself and I know how hard it is. The important thing to focus on is, how is YOUR relationship? Never mind her, she's in the past, especially as he no longer has contact with her. He will forget her in time, and before you know it he won't have any feelings at all for her. I know how hard it is, and it's only natural that you feel hurt and a little jealous. But she's gone. You're his girl now, he loves you in more than just a friendly way, and at least he has been honest with you. Don't let this come between you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Dear, Love doesnt mean someone has feeling for someone as he/she has for his current partner.....
i do believe that ur boy friend didn't mean that love which u think. i mean we love our ex, means we don't hate them but same time can't compare them with our current one...... it doesn't mean ex is superior on current one. I do believe he loves u more than her ex and this is only a kind of condolence or kindness he may have in heart for his ex, not the other love which u have infered.
Enjoy ur life and create trust in heart.. Never doubt unnecessarily. it ruins the relationship. Be happy . good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): It seems to me that you are in quite a predicament there love.
I know it's very easy to get jealous over an ex - believe you me I know - but I think the main thing is to remember that he is with you now. He loves YOU now, and YOU are the person who is falling asleep with him each night, and waking up next to him every morning.
Jealousy is ugly, and it's best to keep a calm mind when dealing with problems like that.
Good luck :-)
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A
male
reader, sam44  +, writes (28 January 2011):
I think you are over reacting or over reading things. I mean after 5 years of dating someone its hard to not care for them[ex] or say i completely don't love them unless if they treated you really really bad. I still love my ex in some way but that doesn't mean i want to be with her, we just have great memories and i cherish that. But things ended for a reason. And i think that's the same situation with your boyfriend.
Just be cool about it, so long as he loves you and treats you right, don't over analyze it or you'll end up destroying your relationship. goodluck
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