A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for four years and just found out he's cheating. It really breaks my heart because I think we are doing ok and he doesn't complain much. We have 2 kids. How do I confront him? I don't want to talk to the tramp his dealing with I don't really think she and I have anything to talk about. Saw a lot of incriminating text msgs on his phone and that's how I got to know. Have suspected for a while, but have confirmed it today.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): Well I'm going to answer this because I just went through the same thing, for one I made a big mistake by getting angry and throwing it all in he's face, yes hye broke down and cried and begged for to forgive him but two weeks later I found out he was seeing an ex also which he told her he's new wprk hours and not to talk to me as it would only hurt our daughter but he couldn't bare to lose her! Long. Story short. Most men that cheat cheat for there own selfish reasons you'll nyever know why he cheated but by apyl mends you do need to talk about this as this isn't what you signed up for when u toke your marriage commitmentz to one another but I would do it calmly and set up appointment with a marriage counselor to see if it can. Be worked out I wish you the best and I really know it hurts and makes u wonder where he's at or who's he with when he is away and then you feel like you can't breathe in the relationship! Sad to say but thinking and knowing the truth are so different, you want to know what hes doing to stop it or leave him but when you find out your so crushed and cant believe someone who tells you that they love you would hurt you so badly! keep you head up
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo YouWish. I'm not sure I want to leave him now. I want my kids to grow up with a father figure. Want to give him another chance provided this doesn't repeat itself. I'm still shocked and angry and going through the emotions. Want to pull myself together before - still looking for words? Can't say if I can trust him in the near future. And yes, I have a job and can take care of my bills
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 HOLD IT!
I know your instincts right now are to go and confront him, vent, and nail him to the wall right now, and trust me, you have every right to, and you will and should!
However, don't do that now unless you think about what you want the outcome of the confrontation to be. When you confront him and show him the evidence and get emotional, then what?
If you are wanting to end the marriage or at least separate, have an exit strategy. If you're not already familiar with your household finances, get really familiar. Make sure you know every cent.
Also, and this is crucial, can you live on your own? Do you have money saved for moving expenses, and can you sustain yourself without him? If you don't work or your income isn't enough for you to live on your own, then that is your goal. Get yourself self-sufficient.
Have all of your ducks in a row, so to speak. Be ready to leave, or if you kick him out, be ready to pay for everything yourself. Have a separate bank account in just your name opened and money being saved into it.
It's possible that the two of you might reconcile and work on the marriage, but if you don't have a plan, independence, and an exit strategy, then you have no leg to stand on.
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